Sabotage

When you discover you have a Chronic Illness (CI) it invades your life and takes over! “Sooo   .  .  . starting today no more pizza, caffeine, gluten, soy, and in addition to this new diet, take about 10 pills a day . . . and forget about that vacation because all your money is mine!! Thank you!” CI says with a smile and a wink while it sashays away. “That bitch!” was my initial response as I sat in a hospital bed after my first colonoscopy.

Your chronic illness can sabotage your life and be your biggest bully. You think if I can conquer this  I can take on anything, which is true. . . But I’m curious to how people with a chronic illness deal with the nasty people you encounter in life. People will be people.

The last couple of months I have worked so hard at my job that I allowed it to take over my life. Somehow I have been able to get up everyday and fight through severe fatigue, body aches, and fits of dizziness and nausea, by working 9-10 hours days because I care. Then someone recently approached me at this job and stated “Krystal be careful, watch your back, they’re waiting for you to make a mistake ” . . . . Um excuse me! I have not devoted all this time and the little energy I have for my work ethic to be questioned because someone has it out to get me. Soo they can keep watching . . .

Do you ever get emotional? Like why am I being treated this way? Why must my livelihood, my way of paying for medications be possibly jeopardized? Have you wondered that if those nasty people knew I was chronically ill, would I be treated differently, would they feel horrible for their actions?  However, if revealing my illness is the only way I can be treated with respect, then this is not the place for me.

I recently turned 30 and I have realized that I am exhausted with dealing  with the same drama . . .  I still don’t know what I want to do in life but now I know what I DON’T want.

As always remaining hopeful and taking one day at a time.

An IBD experience . .

Every since I started this new job I have been pleasantly surprised by the lack of urgency to go to the restroom. I sat comfortably during back to back meetings for 3 hours sitting far away from the door,  and in one meeting the entire staff was present. I was in awe of how far I have come. But! as always those good days are short-lived when you have IBD.

It was after a team lunch at Lebanese Taverna that my stomach started talking to me.  If my stomach could speak, I’m pretty sure it said “hey old friend, you miss me?” As I gripped my stomach with my left hand and grabbed my poo-pourri with the right, I walked briskly to the restroom. In addition to disliking the 2-stall bathroom layout I also hate that the toilets automatically flush. After I sprayed the poo-pourri I  quickly realized the censor was very sensitive.  As I leaned forward to get paper the toilet flushed, there went the poo-pourri!! When I leaned back the toilet flushed again! Then I heard someone knocking on the door. “Is anyone in here?” said a man’s voice, I yelled, YES! out of frustration and decided to give up. As I walked out the stall the toilet decided to flush a few more times and I just shook my  head. I washed my hands, exited the restroom, and smiled through pain at the janitor who was waiting outside  Before heading back to my desk a coworker said, “free food in the kitchen!” I said “no thanks!” . .  sighs . . .