The past six weeks have been insanely busy and I never want to experience it again lol. Since the first week of May I haven’t had a free weekend since April. From a friend’s bachelorette and wedding, mom’s graduation, moving, and mini vacay to Jamaica I’m officially spent physically and my bank account is dry. But I’m not complaining, I can go on a ramen diet, I’m excited that I can eat ramen again lol. It’s crazy to think two years ago I would’ve declined majority of those events due to my poor health. So I have been grateful to be invited and healthy enough to go to each event. I am afraid to miss out. I feel like for almost two years I was at such a low health wise and mentally that I checked out of my life, I was in a fog . . This year is the first with no meds and complete remission, so I’m trying to do everything before this good health goes away *knock on wood*.
Even though IBD-wise I have had a clean slate this year, I’ve been sick in many other ways. For example my two spells with Tonsillitis this year, last time I had it was 20 years ago. I saw an ENT doctor and he stated if it happens five more times this year, then I’ll suggest you get your tonsils removed . .. WTH?!? In addition to my tonsils my teeth have been horrendous, still paying off dental work from last year, getting two crowns and a root canal is no joke. Thinking about getting a 2nd job to pay off debt, but I’m scared the stress and physicalitly of working two jobs would be too much for my body. I’ve had this random craving for ginger ale, would drink it everyday if I could. . . last time I had such cravings it was to help with my stomach and shortly after I was admitted to the hospital. I hope this is not an early sign of a flare up, fingers crossed.
Remaining hopeful and taking one day at a time!
When you discover you have a Chronic Illness (CI) it invades your life and takes over! “Sooo . . . starting today no more pizza, caffeine, gluten, soy, and in addition to this new diet, take about 10 pills a day . . . and forget about that vacation because all your money is mine!! Thank you!” CI says with a smile and a wink while it sashays away. “That bitch!” was my initial response as I sat in a hospital bed after my first colonoscopy.
Your chronic illness can sabotage your life and be your biggest bully. You think if I can conquer this I can take on anything, which is true. . . But I’m curious to how people with a chronic illness deal with the nasty people you encounter in life. People will be people.
The last couple of months I have worked so hard at my job that I allowed it to take over my life. Somehow I have been able to get up everyday and fight through severe fatigue, body aches, and fits of dizziness and nausea, by working 9-10 hours days because I care. Then someone recently approached me at this job and stated “Krystal be careful, watch your back, they’re waiting for you to make a mistake ” . . . . Um excuse me! I have not devoted all this time and the little energy I have for my work ethic to be questioned because someone has it out to get me. Soo they can keep watching . . .
Do you ever get emotional? Like why am I being treated this way? Why must my livelihood, my way of paying for medications be possibly jeopardized? Have you wondered that if those nasty people knew I was chronically ill, would I be treated differently, would they feel horrible for their actions? However, if revealing my illness is the only way I can be treated with respect, then this is not the place for me.
I recently turned 30 and I have realized that I am exhausted with dealing with the same drama . . . I still don’t know what I want to do in life but now I know what I DON’T want.
As always remaining hopeful and taking one day at a time.
When you get sick I have noticed how people act differently around you. The people who I thought would be there and very supportive, did not appear . . . that’s different?!?!? Then you have the people who “tried to care” by saying all the rights things, but actions have always been louder than words for me.
Out of the blue, the people who I have not talked to in years have reached out to me with their kind words and well wishes . . . that was different . . but in a good way 🙂 I am grateful.
And then I have the friends that are still around, awesome, and have not treated me differently in any way, so I wanted to say thanks to them. 🙂 Even if they never see this post, I just wanted to acknowledge the positive people in my life. Without their love and support the past 6 months would have been very depressing. And for me it’s not always about having someone to talk to or getting me out of the house, the littlest things make me happy. I jokingly asked a friend that loves to bake if they could bake me a loaf of gluten-free bread and how it would save me $6 lol I didn’t think she would do it, but she did. It was one of the sweetest things anyone has done for me, I almost cried 🙂
I am grateful for the friends I have and If I can just get over my anxieties!! . . . . I look forward to meeting new people 🙂