I got feelings . . .

This Quarantine is no joke. Living alone with just you and your thoughts for WEEKS is not healthy. I felt so unhealthy a couple of weeks ago that my 2.5 years of no symptoms decided to end. Stomach pain, frequent trips to the bathroom returned, and just feeling uncomfortable all day, every day. Immediately I knew I had to change my thinking, my habits, I had to change something! I had to calm down, relax.

I decided to do an exercise using the word “Feelings”. Plan to challenge myself every week by choosing words to describe my weekly mental state. I hope it’s a way of reflection and relaxation to help reduce my stress, we shall see.

F is for Frustrated – Disappointed in the lack of leadership at my job and expectations that i’m available all day every day. They need to understand I’m working from home due to a crisis, this is not remote work.

E is for Exhausted – Overthinking about life decisions keeps my mind too busy at night which results in a lot of sleepless nights. Being inside all day was fun at first, now just exhausting not doing anything.

E is for Emotional. This past week I have had negative energy thrown my way. A male supervisor trying to dim my shine, a romantic relationship with so much potential, to be disappointed . . . again. Just a wreck! Tears, anger, ripping pages from a book, Dramatic!! lol

L is for Loneliness. I haven’t hugged, or touch a person in like a month, craziness to me. This quarantine makes you miss even the littlest things. At times, it makes me wish I had a roommate . . just for a moment! But that face to face interaction is so important, I didn’t even realize it.

I is for Improving. Since last Monday, I have had some serious negative energy thrown my way but my initial reactions were calm, mature, and professional. I was proud of myself. In the past dealing with such drama would cause a stomach ache immediately, but now allowing that energy to roll off my back, is such an improvement.

N is for Nervous. This COVID-19 will forever change our lives. Having a sickly grandmother and a father with a pre-existing condition, and myself having an autoimmune disease, a simple task of going to the grocery store can be a serious risk for me and my family. It’s nerve wracking to lose that control over your freedom and livelihood due to this virus.

G is for Grateful. I am grateful that I have a roof over my head, food in my belly, currently healthy, and live to see another day. Fingers crossed it stays this way.

S is for Safe. Even though it’s gets lonely, being alone during this time is probably the safest way to be for my health. Can’t wait until this shit is over!! lol

After writing this, I actually do feel a little better. 🙂

As always, trying to remain positive and keeping hope alive.