Dark Times

Obviously my plan of posting weekly fell through smh . . . never thought working from remotely would be so hectic. The entire month of April & May I working an average of 12 hours a day, eating fast food because by the time I finished working, it was 8 pm and I was hungry. As a result I’ve gained at least 10 pounds, severe bloating no matter what I eat, and of course still paranoid that I might get the rona virus. Stressed to the max . . . Exhausting.

As a person with a compromised immune system and a person of color, this year just keeps getting worst. For the month of June I’ve decided to start living a healthier lifestyle. Since we’ve been told we will be working remotely until labor day, I have the following plan to enhance my life physically and mentally.

Enjoy the outdoors – I live in a highrise small 1-bedroom apartment with no balcony, just a big window. When I was working those crazy hours I was literally in my apartment for days, like 4-5 days that I had not left my apartment! It was insanity. My daily routine was work, work, eat, watch tv, fall asleep on couch, move to bed around 3am, and then do it all over it again. I was miserable. Moving forward my goal is to go for a 1-hour walk at least three days a week at the bare minimum. Me exercising in any other way will not happen until gyms reopen, so I’ve given up on that goal. Currently looking into hiking trails.

Have a social life outside of Zoom work meetings

I am in no hurry to see my coworkers again, I see them almost daily via the unnecessary amount of zoom meetings. It’s gotten to a point I cannot stand to look at my face. As a result, I’ve been breaking social distancing rules like staying at my moms for a week at a time, inviting one friend over. To social distance safe socializing such as virtual happy hours, facetime family members etc. Currently looking into virtual networking events so whenever quarantine is over, I can hopefully look into new opportunities.

Therapy – I recently signed up again for betterhelp.com, online therapy service. Speaking to my counselor for the past 2 months has been a lifesaver. Plan to increase my communications with her and join a friend’s weekly “sister circle”. It an online group of black women talking about everyday topics, having those discussions and being apart of a community would be helpful. Also I want to buy plants lol I need to create a zen environment within my small apartment, looking into a mini waterfall too.

Eating healthier – Decided to start a pescartian diet that will hopefully help me lose this gut and reduce the amount of fast food I was eating. Since seafood is expensive, I’ll have a cheat day or two, but consciously eating the right food that is healthy and good for my gut I should hopefully get the results I desire.

Stop online shopping – It’s insane how many products I have purchased since qurantine started, just bought some more hair products today! It’s a problem. As a deterrance I have purposedly randomized my amazon account password to something I have forgotten already. Trying to hold off ordering anything else for the rest of this month.

Lastly, with the pandemic and George Floyd, we are truly living through dark times and for the first time I can say everyone is suffering in some way. It’s scary and very sad times. To my fellow americans of color I see you, and feel your pain, and always we live and take each day at a time. To my non-people of color allies, thank you for the support in all the peaceful protests and I ask that you stick around after the cops’ conviction. Things can only change if we’re all in this together. #blacklivesmatter

A wonderful visit :)

I’ve been feeling kind of down lately and my current flare up proves it. Stress is definitely a trigger for me and I almost had an accident a couple of days ago to prove it. Not really appealing at 31 years old but I digress lol

Whenever I’m down I’m not the most happy person to be around and I start to feel like I’m living in a fog and just frustrated with the world. Not really a pleasant feeling. I had a dream last night that featured my favorite uncle that passed away about 15 years ago. Wow . . didn’t realize it’s been so long. Growing up as an only child and raised by my single mother he was that one consistent positive, fun, male figure in my life until I was 16 when he passed. Since his death whenever I have a dream and he’s in it, I feel like it’s his way of saying hi. It might be silly to think so, but since it happens so rarely I almost vividly remember every dream I’ve seen him. I’m not the most religious person but I do believe in life after death and that we do have our own guardian angels. I have had an experience where I was crossing the street and I thought my friend was pushing me across, to look back and see my friend still on the other side of the street and the truck that almost hit me stopped. I was literally pushed and remember feeling fingers on my back, that more than anything convinced me that spirits exist.

So last night I had a dream and my uncle appeared, in past dreams I’ve never had a conversation with him, he was just talking to other family members, it was like a scene out of my life. For the first time in a dream I walked up to him and said “Hi, I miss you and if this is your way of saying hi, I thank you so much for doing this.” He just smiled and then I woke up. I cried for a good 10 minutes, it just seemed so real and I didn’t realize how much I’ve missed my uncle. 15 years later, I’ve realized losing a loved one is something you’ll never get over, but just learn how to live without them.

Even though I’ve been feeling down, I’m grateful to wake up and see another day. There are many days where life is so hard, especially when having good health is not always guaranteed, but life is also so very precious and its nice to know that I’m not always alone.

As always taking one day at a time and remaining hopeful.