Not good news . . . . :(

Have you ever stared at the ceiling to prevent tears from falling on your face? To avoid letting someone see you cry? That was me today. It wasn’t like I was shocked by the news, but I felt like I reached my breaking point.

After two weeks of horrible symptoms I finally got to see my GI, he said two words that I hoped I would never hear, “Prednisone & Remicade”.    He stated how my condition is getting worst and in order to force my symptoms into remission he prescribed me prednisone (aka “the devil”, the name many IBDers call it). Thankfully its not a high dosage, and I was told to take it until I start feeling better and eventually stop.  Once i’m off the prednisone, he would like to start remicade in order to maintain my remission. Unfortunately, Remicade is not an oral prescription, it can only be done through IV infusion, which means a trip to the hospital for 3-4 hours, every few weeks.  . . sighs . . . I don’t like hospitals.

Before my follow-up appointment in one month, I have a lot of lab work. More blood work, testing for tuberculosis and hepatitis, and a stool sample. The process of collecting a stool sample is hilarious to me, but I won’t gross you guys out lol  Also today, I got a call from my primary physician about my blood work results, she stated I have Vitamin D deficiency, and wants me to buy over the counter Vitamin D supplements. I’m not surprised, in the past week I have had no energy and  my body aches all over. So . . . with the addition of prednisone and Vitamin D pills, my pill intake has increased to  . . . 14 pills a day!!!

It was truly a sad moment in my GI’s office, we both looked at each other with sad eyes 😦  I would write more, but I am completely exhausted. Really hoping I feel better soon.

So sick of . . .

I am so sick of seeing white walls . . . the walls of my doctors’ offices, walls of my pharmacy, walls of my job. I’m so sick of paying for co-pays, prescription re-fills, and medical bills.  I’m so sick of medical assistants with bad attitudes, I’m just done lately.

I went to see my primary physician the other day and she also wants me to get blood work done.  My doctors are like vampires . . . this disease is like a vampire, sucking the life out of me.  I’ll admit, I have allowed this condition to “stop” my life. I try to travel somewhere at least once a year, but a vacation is not even on my radar right now. Because when I think of a vacation the following things come to mind in this order:

  • I can’t afford it or it’s not smart right now to make a big purchase because who knows what my condition will be like 3 months from now.
  • Will I have enough medication to take on the trip? What if I forget or lose my meds?
  • What do I eat?
  • Will I have access to a bathroom if I’m having a flare-up
  • Fears of a long flight/bus ride. Probably won’t eat anything prior to be safe.
  • Oh and have fun!

In the past, having fun was never last.

The one thing that stood out for me during my doctor appointment was when the medical assistant asked if I was depressed? After a long pause, I responded. . . .

Maybe I am?