Happy New Year! . . . Ugh . . . :(

So . . . it’s less than an hour until the New Year and everyone on social media are posting New Year resolutions and all these positive messages “out with the old, in with the new!” etc. But let’s be real, its not like next week is going to be amazing and wonderful just because it’s a new year. Since I was diagnosed I told myself to let go, because me having this disease was completely out of my control. I finally learned you cannot control your life, just gotta ride the waves. I’ve been riding waves somewhat smoothly until this year, so many things have happened out of my control, such bad luck lately, I’m just speechless

2017 overall was a “healthy” year because I was not admitted to the hospital. After I was discharged in 2015 I told myself every year is great as long as I am not in a hospital. Well its hard for me to continue to abide by that saying, because 2017 was shitty. It started off being scammed by a crappy dentist office and paying TOO MUCH money in dental work, its nothing like being taken advantage of when you’re in pain. Then my job which has been a pain in my side for years now, I’ve been trying to get out of there before it got worst. Well it got worst a few weeks ago, my boss was fired and somehow I’m cleaning up his mess plus my job until his replacement is hired. How is that fair? Why is this not being reflected in my income?  I moved to my apartment about 9 months ago, my lease is up for renewal in April and I’m hearing through the grapevine that peoples’ rent is being increased to $200 a month. WTF?!?! Yes, I understand renovations occurred 3 months after I moved in that I had no knowledge of before I signed the lease, but how is such a rent increase even legal? Oh yes! VA is not rent-controlled, so they can charge whatever they want!

The one good thing about my current job is that the office is closed from Xmas until New Year’s, but I guess you’re still expected to work because when I did check my email this past week I noticed I received emails daily from our Interim Director . .  . I read but did not respond . . was on Holiday Break *shrugs*  . . . I spent the week at my moms sleeping, watching tv, and eating, best week ever. I returned to my apartment today to see two unexpected tax bills. One from a county I haven’t lived in since May and a letter from the IRS because HR Block fucked up . . . so tomorrow being January 1st will not put a smile on this face. . .

I am sorry to anyone I have wronged, please remove this hex, cause this bad luck is making me very depressed. Hmm that kind of rhymes  . . lol

The first 3 months of 2018 will be the most stressful, and I have never been so grateful to be back on Humira because if not I might be admitted to the hospital. I know some might read this and say “stay positive” but  right now I am living in the present. The present me is broke, stressed, and getting fat from all this stress eating lately. Im sleeping in tonight and plan to be at the gym in the AM. I hope my car will not have a flat tire since one of my tire’s air pressure looked low today due to freezing temps. I’ll put air in it tomorrow hopefully that works for the time being,  but I have a feeling I will have to purchase new tires soon with the non-existent money I have . . . . . sighs

For those of you living high on life, please send some of those good vibes my way . . . it is greatly needed.

Happy New Year . .

Sigh of relief . . .

I know  . . . it’s been a minute, but for the first time in over two years I can say my tummy has not been the cause of my woes, which is amazing right!! I am in full remission, GI is amazed and I’m in denial.  For the first time in years I am on no meds, only thing I’m taking are vitamins, I guess Humira was my saving grace, it worked for me. When my enthused GI was in amazement in how everything looks good including my blood work, I was completely zoned out.   It was like I was Charlie Brown, I didn’t understand a word coming out of his mouth. It was just odd . . . I had been through so much physically and mentally over the past two years, I was in disbelief?  I just smiled thinking I’ll believe it when I see it. Two months later I am still symptom free and gaining weight which is bittersweet 😉

My health has improved but my lifestyle remains the same, so my body is no longer “stressing” in my tummy but recently my jaw. I had a major flare a couple of weeks ago where the left side of my face was swollen and the pain from my jaw moved down to my neck and eventually my back. I debated going to the ER and glad I didn’t because I felt  much better in the morning. Due to this scare, I was prescribed muscle relaxers and strong pain killers to keep handy for another possible flare. Since I have had recent dental work and new crowns (yes plural, hence why I’m broke) and have a history of TMJ symptoms it just seems like a typical day. I told my mother; “it’s how I know I’m alive is when I’m in pain some sort of way”. It’s sad to say but that’s how “I” stress my body, and at 30 years old I still haven’t figured out a way to reduce my stress and handle it differently, but I can only blame myself. I keep doing the same things, same jobs, why would I expect a different outcome?

I’m starting to see the effects of the meds that IBD has put on my body, my teeth are horrid, one of my crowns was to replace a broken filling. My hair is completely dry and I had a bald spot in the middle of my head, but noticed recently that the hair in that area is now starting to grow, thank goodness! I just realized that two years ago at this exact time, I was going to the bathroom 10-15 times a day, had severe stomach pains that no painkillers could relieve, and a week later I was admitted to the hospital . . . Thank god it has been two years and no hospital stay. I have to at least be happy and thankful for that!

I’m starting to make some major lifestyle changes in the next 6 months. First step is i’m moving, found a new place moving in 27 days to be exact! Working on developing a new skill set, took a coding class last week and haven’t been this excited in years in learning something new.

Taking one day at a time, but for the first time in while, I am excited for the future!

100 followers!!


Wow!! Thank you guys for all the support! I started this blog last year as a coping mechanism, a  way of dealing with this major lifestyle change of having IBD. I started writing not knowing what I was talking about, but just documenting my daily struggles. 

Thanks to all of you for joining me on this journey and the continued support.

Thank you! 😘

Glad February is over!!!

I have been dreading February 2016 for the past 6 months. It was the month of my first big conference at the new job. ( I guess I did well since I’m still employed). Also, I had to move because my lease ended this month. So as you can imagine stress was at an all time high. And when you’re highly stressed and have IBD, what can happen?!?! A Flare-Up!! You are correct! Remission has been gone for the past month, and I’m being irresponsible because I have not told my GI. . . I don’t know what I’m doing and why I like to play games with my health, but I don’t have any leave and I just moved to 1 bedroom apartment, I’m broke lol And I can’t afford any new medical expenses. I haven’t been to the dentist in almost year, because i’m scared of what they might find and how much it’s going to cost me.  Ever since I have been diagnosed with IBD, I have a genuine fear of all doctors.  After spending last year in and out of doctor offices and my first hospital stay, i’m trying my best to avoid all white walled rooms. Thank goodness my walls are grey at the new place. . . sighs.

The bleeding appeared again about a month ago, shortly after I weaned off the prednisone. And during my stress peak it looked like I was on my period, bright red.  Now the blood is not as much, so maybe I’m getting better? . . . Either way I should still inform my GI ? . . . sighs   . .

People are starting to worry about me at the job. Especially now that I have had a cold for almost a week now. It’s getting harder to keep my illness a secret . . .

As always I remain hopeful . . .

A bad day can be really bad . .

Another busy stressful week, can’t wait until this conference is over at my job, so exhausting. As a result of the stress I saw blood for the first time in months . . . sighs . . . can’t sleep, felt nauseous for a few days and hard to breath one day. I think I was about to have an anxiety attack.  So I started drinking some wine and taking a nap whenever I can and that has helped, and I haven’t seen blood since. I really never know what’s going on with my body, I just take it one day at a time.

Since I live in the DC metro area, we have been hit by the storm of the century!! Blizzard 2016! And I’m so over it lol Especially after my experience Wednesday night.  Instead of going straight home Wednesday I decided head to  downtown DC  to my special pharmacy to pick up my humira injections. With 20 minutes until the pharmacy closed I got completely lost walking around  and then it started snowing. Completely frustrated and tired, I headed back to metro and was stressed thinking how am I going to pickup my prescription before the blizzard.

I got back to where I parked my car and started driving to my apt which was 2 miles away. The snow started to stick and as I drove I saw an SUV literally parked on the sidewalk, as I stared in shock and slowly drove by I felt my car start to slide and tail spin. “Great!” was the first word that came out of my mouth, as I started to move my car back to the right so I’m no longer blocking traffic, another car hits me. Now my nerves are shot, and a piece of my car is in the street. . once I again i say “Freaking great!” Luckily I was okay and the other driver was too.  We exchange information , his car was fine and he drove off.  I should’ve done the same but I didn’t feel safe driving. Car insurance stated if your car is drive-able we can’t send a tow truck. . . “Freaking AMAZING” is what I said.

Fast forward 6 hours later,  slipping and sliding with hundreds of other cars I finally arrived at my apartment after parking my damaged car a few blocks away. I was exhausted! During those 6 hours I was thankful for the little bit of water I had that I used to take my pills. Also my leftover salad from lunch that i ate with my hands . . it was just a really bad day.

I took off the next day and was finally able to get my humira and other necessities for this blizzard. I really wish I could completely relax ,but thinking of all the work I can catch up on, it sucks I have the ability to work remotely. . . I’m over this and the snow!

 

#7daysofIBD Day 5 – Taco,taco!

In my uber ride to the airport in DC my driver said you have to eat real Mexican food when you’re in Texas , make sure you eat tacos. With IBD?, ill try . . We started today with breakfast tacos at Rudy’s, to be safe I got one taco and substituted a corn tortilla for the regular flour as a way to be “gluten-free”, with bacon and eggs. Other than gas pains  I’ve been okay.

  
For lunch we went to a Mexican restaurant called chuy’s, I thought soft tacos with rice, and I ate a little of the refried beans would be the safest. However  I’ve been bloated and all gas since and its been a day since a #2, definitely aiming for a salad for dinner.

   

Other than tummywoes, my energy levels has been great. I seem to have more energy than my non-IBD friends at the moment , not too shabby 😉

 

 

 

My #7daysofIBD

In honor of Crohn’s & Colitis awareness week, December 1-7, I decided to participate in the #7daysofIBD campaign sponsored by Crohn’s & Colitis UK. You take a picture for the next 7 days that display your life living with IBD. Since we are  a very visual society these days, a photo can speak a thousands words. So below is  my Day 1. For my fellow IBDers if you wanna participate click here for more information.

Day 1 – December 1, 2015

Below is my daily morning routine, filling my pill box for the day. I used to do it for the week but been lazy lately.  10 pills a day is not bad, 7 months ago I was taking 14 pills a day, at least one pill every hour I was awake. That was a very depressing time for me .

Moon-face? . . . .

Hello World it’s me! The below picture was taken this past weekend for Halloween, I was a fancy Witch 😉

KQ halloween 2015

I think it’s a nice picture of me, but I immediately noticed how fat my cheeks were. I believe its obvious I’ve gained weight, around this time last year I was 14 pounds lighter. This is the heaviest I’ve been since I was a young teen. There are many factors that have contributed to my weight gain. I’m no longer physically active, new job is in the middle of nowhere so I spend most of my days sitting or driving lately. However, I will say the biggest factor are these meds, especially the prednisone. I’ve been on and off prednisone since March, maybe the long term use is starting to show.  A few have said the weight gain looks cute on me and barely noticeable since I’m tall (I’m 5’9) but when your clothes are tighter and you can’t afford to go shopping it sucks. . I guess I can’t complain, at least I look “healthy”,  but it is amazing to see how the drugs affect you physically and mentally.

It’s crazy that 6 months ago I was afraid to eat anything  to now eating everything in sight and never feeling full. I’ve already eaten dinner and about to get a bowl of cereal because I’m still hungry!! I’m about to stock  up on Bene-fiber, I need something to help me stop eating so much, frustrating!!

The below picture was taken later that night, right before I was about to wash my face (mind the hair scarf, it was bedtime :)) I was like wow  . . . moon-face? had to stop and take a selfie. I think it’s obvious. My profile pic/gravatar is an old pic, but I was that same weight for many years. Looking at the two, it is a difference.

KQ moonface

Can’t wait to get off these meds!! . . . now I’m hot . . lol