Happy New Year! . . . Ugh . . . :(

So . . . it’s less than an hour until the New Year and everyone on social media are posting New Year resolutions and all these positive messages “out with the old, in with the new!” etc. But let’s be real, its not like next week is going to be amazing and wonderful just because it’s a new year. Since I was diagnosed I told myself to let go, because me having this disease was completely out of my control. I finally learned you cannot control your life, just gotta ride the waves. I’ve been riding waves somewhat smoothly until this year, so many things have happened out of my control, such bad luck lately, I’m just speechless

2017 overall was a “healthy” year because I was not admitted to the hospital. After I was discharged in 2015 I told myself every year is great as long as I am not in a hospital. Well its hard for me to continue to abide by that saying, because 2017 was shitty. It started off being scammed by a crappy dentist office and paying TOO MUCH money in dental work, its nothing like being taken advantage of when you’re in pain. Then my job which has been a pain in my side for years now, I’ve been trying to get out of there before it got worst. Well it got worst a few weeks ago, my boss was fired and somehow I’m cleaning up his mess plus my job until his replacement is hired. How is that fair? Why is this not being reflected in my income?  I moved to my apartment about 9 months ago, my lease is up for renewal in April and I’m hearing through the grapevine that peoples’ rent is being increased to $200 a month. WTF?!?! Yes, I understand renovations occurred 3 months after I moved in that I had no knowledge of before I signed the lease, but how is such a rent increase even legal? Oh yes! VA is not rent-controlled, so they can charge whatever they want!

The one good thing about my current job is that the office is closed from Xmas until New Year’s, but I guess you’re still expected to work because when I did check my email this past week I noticed I received emails daily from our Interim Director . .  . I read but did not respond . . was on Holiday Break *shrugs*  . . . I spent the week at my moms sleeping, watching tv, and eating, best week ever. I returned to my apartment today to see two unexpected tax bills. One from a county I haven’t lived in since May and a letter from the IRS because HR Block fucked up . . . so tomorrow being January 1st will not put a smile on this face. . .

I am sorry to anyone I have wronged, please remove this hex, cause this bad luck is making me very depressed. Hmm that kind of rhymes  . . lol

The first 3 months of 2018 will be the most stressful, and I have never been so grateful to be back on Humira because if not I might be admitted to the hospital. I know some might read this and say “stay positive” but  right now I am living in the present. The present me is broke, stressed, and getting fat from all this stress eating lately. Im sleeping in tonight and plan to be at the gym in the AM. I hope my car will not have a flat tire since one of my tire’s air pressure looked low today due to freezing temps. I’ll put air in it tomorrow hopefully that works for the time being,  but I have a feeling I will have to purchase new tires soon with the non-existent money I have . . . . . sighs

For those of you living high on life, please send some of those good vibes my way . . . it is greatly needed.

Happy New Year . .

IBD is annoying . . . .

I have missed doing the things i love, like writing for this blog . . . Past few months have been annoying! I refuse to say hard because overall i’m living a good life and is now grateful i’m healthy again . . “now” is the keyword.

Last time I chatted with you I was going in for a colonoscopy because the bleeding, stomach pains, and frequent trips to the bathroom came back with revenge. The results of the colonoscopy showed I had proctitis which is an inflammation of the lining of the rectum. So I was immediately prescribed Canasa which didn’t work at all. I got so sick i took 3 days off of work and was on a gatorade, chicken broth diet. After another visit to my GI’s office they put me on Cortifoam as a temporary solution until  . . .  .dun dun dun!! . . they put me back on Humira! Sighs .  . . as I sit slumped in a corner feeling defeated. 😦

Humira has been my saving grace in the past and I hope it works again this time around but reality is beginning to set for me . . . will I have to be dependent on medications for the rest of life with this disease ?!? Almost three years in and it’s still hard for me to accept, I just cannot grasp that this will be lifelong . . . wow . . . it’s such a defeating feeling. Prior to getting sick I took the initiative to be more healthy. I signed up for a gym membership, got a personal trainer so I can exercise safely this time around, then I got really sick. When I was diagnosed in 2014 it was too after I was physically active, I was diagnosed 4 months after doing my first Mud Run obstacle course, I was in the best shape of life. Could this be a trigger? Can’t be right? Another topic for another day.

I have officially started Humira, completed the horrible 4 injections starter pack  2 weeks ago and starting to wean off the cortifoam which was my 2nd saving grace. I’ll take cortifoam any day over prednisone. I’m back at the gym, PT sessions are over and I have now become a gym rat, at the gym like 4 days a week, cray cray! But I’m proud of myself! I overcame a flare to going back to doing something I enjoy. Now just need to get rid of this job (which is the main reason why I’m in the gym 4 days a week, another post for another day).

As always, I remain hopeful and taking one day at a time.

IBD back at it again . . . :(

As I embark on my 31st first birthday tomorrow, I’m reflecting on how 2017 has been so far , and it’s been a busy year. In addition, I’ve been eating what I want, not exercising, candy/soda galore. It was like YES! I’m on Remission so I’m going to eat everything I’ve denied myself for two years, and as a result I have gained weight which are normal consequences for such a diet.  Until last week .. . I saw blood for the first time in like a year . . . I didn’t think anything of it since it was not consistent. For the past two days, I have seen significant blood when I wipe and  today was the first time seeing it in the toilet, but I’m still hesitant to contact my GI. I’m scared . . . .

I really do not want to go back on meds and my financial situation isn’t great at the moment so I cannot afford anything extra right now. I do have hemorrhoids so my grandmother suggested hemorrhoid suppositories? never used them but I might try it to just see if it stops the bleeding. I have no other symptons, other than fatigue at the moment but that’s been constant for years. Sighs . . . I have been highly stressed out lately. I think my boss is purposely sinking the ship of our organization and a co-worker told me she’s quitting after our conference next month and I’m sick of putting out his fires . . . I’m just fucking tired . . . So as a way to relax I will be in a spa for 4 hours tomorrow and a custom makeover afterwards, it’s the way I decided to celebrate my birthday this year.

Trying to remain hopeful, taking one day at a time  . . . .

A Flare attack and Black & Blue . . . .

It’s been a week since my last post and not a good one.   A very stressful, exhausting week it has been.  New job has officially started to stress me out, but for the first time in my career its not over drama, just a lot of freaking work. But with my condition any amount of stress is bad, even if  in my mind I categorize it as “good stress”.  As a result of this stress and lack of sleep due to Game of Thrones binge watching (I think I have a problem lol) I had a serious flare attack. I went to the rest room at least 10 times that day at work, and had my first case of diarrhea in 7 months . . . it was horrible. After going to the bathroom 3 times in the span of 15 minutes I became desperate and hoped the little convenient store in our building had Imodium or Pepto. By the grace of God they did and it worked!! Then 2o minutes later I experience spasms of upper right abdominal and rectum pain, could not sit in my chair. . . Found some extra strength Tylenol and the pain went away. All that happened in the span of 8 hours, by time I got home I passed out, my body was exhausted.

Last weekend I took my Humira injection and the next day I noticed this huge black bruise on my upper thigh, right where I had the injection. Is this normal? lol It was a first time for me. No pain or swelling, just a huge black bruise. .It’s starting to fade away but still noticeable . Did I do something wrong? I usually inject in my right thigh but I have so many little dark circles from previous injections I decided to start with a fresh leg . . . I guess that was a mistake.

Unfortunately my stress level has doubled in the past couple of days due to some roommate drama and as a result today I had diarrhea once again. I got so worried it was obvious to my colleagues that I decided to use the restroom in our building lobby a couple times today . . . sighs . . its been rough lately . . I thought my colonoscopy scheduled for next month would be a breeze and Remission!! Now i’m not so sure . . .

Hopefully this holiday weekend I will be able to finally relax.

Ruff week! . . .

uc pic 2

I’m starting to get worried, I have had severe fatigue all week and no matter what I eat nothing is coming out.  It’s been two days since I’ve had a #2, I guess around five days is when I should be concerned?!?! I drink water all day and ate oatmeal yesterday, still nothing . . . sighs . .  just another day living with this disease.  I was able to make an appointment with my GI on the 31st, now I just have to ask my new boss if I can come in late that day. I think i’ll fib and say  . .. . “Oh i forgot I scheduled this appointment months ago” . . . hopefully this will be the first and last doctor appointment for the next 60 days *fingers crossed*

Two steps forward . . . . ten steps back

After my brief hiatus I wish I could write about good news, unfortunately the blood is back. It’s been back for weeks and what is a temporary fix? Predisone!  Thankfully due to my personal pharmacy I have an abundance of leftover pills, more money in my pockets for now.  When I noticed the blood wasn’t going away, I sent an email to my GI who I haven’t seen in 3 months. He stated that I start taking 20mg of predisone daily and see his PA again.  . . the plan is to get an appointment first thing in the morning to avoid taking leave without pay since I’m still under a 90-day probation at the new job. It’s only been 3 weeks  . . . goodness!! I can’t make it a freaking month without seeing a doctor!!! In the email to my GI I also mentioned AGAIN how I believe the Apriso is not working since the bleeding has not stopped and he finally agreed! I’m still in shock . . . so back to square one in finding a new long term drug .

I do not remember the last time I was stress-free, this is the most relaxed I’ve been in months. There is no drama at the new job so far . . . and I have the money and energy to go shopping,clean/decorate my room, exercise, and even got a hair cut. It felt like I was starting over, but now I might have to pump the breaks . .  sighs . . . .

I’m not the most religious person, but I would really appreciate any prayers and/or positive vibes coming this way.  I was on such a “high on life” weeks ago to an all-time low at the moment.  Mood swings galore!!

Trying to remain hopeful and can only live one day at a time . . . .

My current mood . . . 😤!!!

 As I wait sitting to see  who I thought would be my GI, of course he’s not avaliable, seeing the physician assistant instead.  And I have gained 8 pounds since my last visit, so over these steroids.  It’s not going to be a pleasant doctor visit.