Enema? no please! . . :(

I have a scheduled Flex Sigmoidoscopy next month and the prep instructions stated to complete an enema 1-2 hours prior.  How’s that gonna happen? The first time I ever had an enema was in the hospital and to be honest that is the only place I imagine where you get an enema professionally done in  a sterile environment. But you can buy a freaking enema kit from Rite Aid?!?! and I read you can do it yourself!?!? That sounds all fine and dandy for others but not for me . . . even if I am capable of doing it myself, I really don’t want to. . . I REALLY don’t want to . .  . I don’t want to do it at all.

I sent a message to my GI’s office asking if I could drink the nasty prep stuff the night before since my procedure is scheduled for 7:15am the next day. .  My GI’s response, he thinks it’s best that I get an enema done the morning of, since my colon needs to be cleansed close in time to the procedure. I haven’t responded yet because I need advice . . What would you do in my situation?  I’m about to cancel the procedure all together and go for the standard colonoscopy.  Getting that enema was a traumatic experience for me in the hospital, it was humiliating and painful at the same time. I don’t wanna get it done!  sighs . . . I don’t want to get used to this . .  . .

It’s nothing cute about being shy . . .

I’m mad at myself . . . all those years when I was too insecure, shy, timid, to try new things all because I was worried how I would look to others,  was such a waste of my time and unnecessary stress. The past two years of my life I felt like I had finally grew up. Learning to love myself and not care about what people think. All those times I was sitting at home with my feelings hurt crying over people who didn’t give a damn about me. Being sad and alone thinking about them and I’m 100% sure they were not doing the same thinking about me. I’m sick of being nice. I’ve learned just because you’re nice to others don’t expect to receive the same treatment. In this society people are only looking out for themselves, so it’s time that I care only about me. I’m gonna be selfish while I’m young and single. I’m going to try new hobbies and not wait around for someone to join me. Going solo, purposely putting myself in possibly socially awkward situations. Combating my anxiety head on!

Which makes me think of this new job. The new job is great, I actually like my job but have noticed the cliques and how HR and IT are lazy. So lazy that in a recent “updated” job listing sent to the entire staff, my job title was incorrect. Luckily my boss noticed before I did and requested a correction, but I noticed another error is this listing in regards to my information. In the past, I would just briefly mentioned it needs to be changed and hope they will do it. Naa . . not anymore, in a heartbeat people will jump on me if I do my job incorrectly, so I’ll do the same. Not only will I notify you of your mistake but will Cc our superiors. I’ve noticed the more outspoken and direct you are, shit gets done. People might not like you, but they will respect you. No longer interested in being well-liked, i’m there to do a job and go home and live my life. Sick of my jobs “being” my life.

All those years when I was healthy and had the energy to do many things, I didn’t! All because of the fear of being judge. Such a  waste of time and energy. .  .so now I have this major setback called IBD, and at the moment, crohn’s disease.  Where the thoughts of going to a public event for hours, standing in long lines, traveling and long road trips, are currently high on my list of fears. But this fear is temporary, I will get over it one day and okay with going at it solo.

Remaining hopeful, taking one day at a time. . .

Like spinning? . . . spin for a cure!!

At spin studios throughout the US, people will be spinning for a cure on December 8th. Check out their promotional video below and click this link for more information. Please share 🙂 The more awareness and money that is raised, the closer we are to finding a cure!!

I’m surprised I just found out about this event even when I’m a CCFA member . .  smh . . there really needs to be more publicity for Crohn’s an Colitis in the US. .

Humira . . . ouch!! :(

As you can tell I’ve been very moody this week 😉 Life has been busy and to some blogging on a Friday night might seem lame, but it feels wonderful to just lay in bed, sooo tired.

On Sunday I had my first Humira injections and for those of you who are familiar, the first dosage is 4 injections, I did two in each thigh. Luckily, I had a nurse to help me because there was no way I would’ve been successful solo. It was an unpleasant experience . . . I wasn’t expecting the stinging sensation.  I have a high tolerance for pain (like many IBDers) but when the nurse told me to count to 10, I couldn’t . . my mouth was agape and I said loudly, “I was not expecting that!” The nurse chuckled, I was literally speechless and in pain, but I was able to give myself the remaining three injections under the nurse’s supervision.

To basically “stab” yourself in the legs and feel the meds slowly enter your system was not pleasant at all. After the nurse left, I got a little emotional thinking how am I going to do this? But I’ve been told you get used to the feeling, get used to the pain, which is something I have many years of experience doing. What freaked me out the most was seeing a little blood when I removed the injection from my leg . . . but it is a needle . .

Is it normal to not feel one of your legs right after? lol That happened to me. And the one thing I noticed this week at work is that I’ve gone to pee like 5-10 times a day lately. . . . that’s different, i’ll mention it to my GI . . .