It’s been a while, sorry 😦 but I do miss writing it soothes my soul lol
Just went to a friend’s farewell party and to be honest wasn’t sure I was going to go due to the headache I’ve had all day, but she was leaving to follow her dreams and moving to the big city NYC! So I wanted to be there. It was a very emotional night, a lot of kind words were said about her, then it came time for people to speak. I didn’t want to speak because I’m terrified of public speaking and my voice seems to always crack even when I’m confident. But, all the ladies at my table got up and we have all known each other for a long time, since undergrad, so we all said something. I was the last to speak and right before I didn’t know what to say, until my friend before me said how our friend was there for her in her lowest moments. I started to think of my lowest moment, which was in the hospital last April and how the young lady we were honoring visited me at the hospital. As soon as I opened my mouth my voice started to crack . . . oh god . . .
I started to say how she was always a positive person, even when I wasn’t and was there for me when I was sick and wanted to thank her for that, and started to cry and couldn’t speak. I think for one second I was speaking in tongues, it was so bad I thought. I got a big hug from her and quickly sat down because I was slightly embarrassed, I usually don’t allow myself to cry in public like that, and of course I never want people to see me in that way. . but even though I was embarrassed I was also proud of myself. Not only did I express true gratitude to a friend, but I let complete strangers know about my sickness all at one time. Something I would have never done in the past. I’m growing up. Allowing myself to be vulnerable which is something I would never allow people to see , has always been a fear of mine. I combated two of my biggest fears in one night and I’m okay, I’m fine, not hurt in anyway, other than my ego being slightly bruised 😉
I spoke to my grandmother afterwards, and she was like Krystal you’re human! Another friend mentioned, “I’m sure no one else thought it was out of place , but felt unusual for you.” It felt very unusual . . Overall a good night, and a learning experience.
Going to see my GI tomorrow to figure out what’s going on, haven’t been this nervous in a while . .
As always, living one day at a time and remaining hopeful.
I left work yesterday because of stomach pains, good ole cramps. Bleeding has been back and looks like it won’t go away until I start some new meds or go back to my dear friend Prednisone! The bleeding came back shortly after I weaned off the drug . . I think my GI lied to me when he said I was in remission. . . Is it normal for it be so short lived? 1 month after colonoscopy symptoms came back . . . sighs . . Exactly a year ago I was experiencing stomach cramps and other similar symptoms. Those symptoms eventually got worse during the month of March which led to my first ever hospital stay last April. April 2015 will always be a permanent memory in time. I hope I won’t be going back to the hospital anytime soon.
I guess my Crohn’s is definitely moderate-severe, I’m no longer considered a mild case. Been on Humira for the past 5 months has not been my saving grace since it worked 3 out of the 5 months. So what’s the next step? More Humira shots? Or the forbidden word in my vocabulary, Remicade! I’ve heard Remicade has done amazing things and my GI has mentioned it more than once, but I don’t like the idea of sitting in the hospital for 3-4 hours hooked to an IV, sounds like chemo therapy. Will I be in a room with cancer patients? . . gees, how depressing. I’ll find out for sure the next steps when I see my GI in two weeks. The conversation with my GI will probably sound like this, “Krystal why didn’t you inform me as soon as the bleeding started? You should have came to see me.” How’s the job? Are you stressed? You better not be stressed, I’ve told you, you have to reduce your stress”. My responses will probably be, “I’m sorry, you’re right I just don’t want any new meds. Job is crappy and I’m beyond stressed, but I moved closer to reduce the stress of commuting . . can I get points for that?!”
As always, living one day at a time and remaining hopeful.
I have been dreading February 2016 for the past 6 months. It was the month of my first big conference at the new job. ( I guess I did well since I’m still employed). Also, I had to move because my lease ended this month. So as you can imagine stress was at an all time high. And when you’re highly stressed and have IBD, what can happen?!?! A Flare-Up!! You are correct! Remission has been gone for the past month, and I’m being irresponsible because I have not told my GI. . . I don’t know what I’m doing and why I like to play games with my health, but I don’t have any leave and I just moved to 1 bedroom apartment, I’m broke lol And I can’t afford any new medical expenses. I haven’t been to the dentist in almost year, because i’m scared of what they might find and how much it’s going to cost me. Ever since I have been diagnosed with IBD, I have a genuine fear of all doctors. After spending last year in and out of doctor offices and my first hospital stay, i’m trying my best to avoid all white walled rooms. Thank goodness my walls are grey at the new place. . . sighs.
The bleeding appeared again about a month ago, shortly after I weaned off the prednisone. And during my stress peak it looked like I was on my period, bright red. Now the blood is not as much, so maybe I’m getting better? . . . Either way I should still inform my GI ? . . . sighs . .
People are starting to worry about me at the job. Especially now that I have had a cold for almost a week now. It’s getting harder to keep my illness a secret . . .
As always I remain hopeful . . .
I’m a summer baby and love warm weather, and love it even more as I get older because it never causes hazardous conditions. Ever since I got into my accident I refuse to drive when there is any possibility of icy roads even when it comes to my health. I ran out of my Apriso pills yesterday and had every intention to refill the prescription but oh golly gee, I actually had a date for Valentine’s day, and it lasted longer than I expected, which was a good thing (will discuss in more detail in a later post). But sucked because the pharmacy closes early on Sundays, and its been snowing all day. As a result I have felt more tired in the past day, but i think it’s mostly due to my hectic, stressful lifestyle lately. Conference at my job finally ended and I can’t even relax, why is that?!? . . I’m still trying to figure that out myself. And I’m moving exactly a week from today and haven’t packed, I just have too much going on and no energy. As I continue to lay in my bed, and dreading going to work tomorrow, I’m reflecting on my recent lifestyle choices. I have been mentally and physically exhausted for the past two months, how much longer can I keep this up?
Life is already difficult, adding a chronic illness to it . . . just sucks
Roommate drama is at an all time high. Crazy roommate want to leave a month early and expected us to find a replacement. Who’s going to move into an apartment for one month in February?!?! Today is January 30th, and we have obviously not been able to find a replacement. Me and the other roommate tried to have a civil conversation with crazy girl to explain how silly she was acting, she was not having it and said things that would involve her “lawyer”. After that conversation things really haven’t gotten any better. And the other roommate who keeps trying to help is making matters worst. I have two roommates one is batshit crazy, the other is severely passive aggressive and doesn’t even know it. I’m in the middle like what the hell is going on?!?! From all this drama I went to bed around 8pm with a migraine and my neck killing me, I had to sleep with a neck pillow.
The passive aggressive roommate said to me, Krystal you never argue. I half smiled. I have too much stress in my life to argue with crazy people. Arguing with a crazy person is like talking in a calm voice to a person that’s waving their arms and screaming, it’s a waste of energy. So I told her with the stress at my job, recent car accident and my damaged car, oh! and I have Crohn’s, I don’t have the time or energy to deal with people and their pride.
Been in Panera Bread since 11am it is now 2:15pm. I’ll be leaving soon, scheduled a facial at a nearby spa. I need to relax somehow, pray for me lol Less than a month away until I move into my own place. Thank goodness.
You would think being snowed in for 5 days would be relaxing! Not for me! I’m over it, and not talking about the snow. . . .
Another busy stressful week, can’t wait until this conference is over at my job, so exhausting. As a result of the stress I saw blood for the first time in months . . . sighs . . . can’t sleep, felt nauseous for a few days and hard to breath one day. I think I was about to have an anxiety attack. So I started drinking some wine and taking a nap whenever I can and that has helped, and I haven’t seen blood since. I really never know what’s going on with my body, I just take it one day at a time.
Since I live in the DC metro area, we have been hit by the storm of the century!! Blizzard 2016! And I’m so over it lol Especially after my experience Wednesday night. Instead of going straight home Wednesday I decided head to downtown DC to my special pharmacy to pick up my humira injections. With 20 minutes until the pharmacy closed I got completely lost walking around and then it started snowing. Completely frustrated and tired, I headed back to metro and was stressed thinking how am I going to pickup my prescription before the blizzard.
I got back to where I parked my car and started driving to my apt which was 2 miles away. The snow started to stick and as I drove I saw an SUV literally parked on the sidewalk, as I stared in shock and slowly drove by I felt my car start to slide and tail spin. “Great!” was the first word that came out of my mouth, as I started to move my car back to the right so I’m no longer blocking traffic, another car hits me. Now my nerves are shot, and a piece of my car is in the street. . once I again i say “Freaking great!” Luckily I was okay and the other driver was too. We exchange information , his car was fine and he drove off. I should’ve done the same but I didn’t feel safe driving. Car insurance stated if your car is drive-able we can’t send a tow truck. . . “Freaking AMAZING” is what I said.
Fast forward 6 hours later, slipping and sliding with hundreds of other cars I finally arrived at my apartment after parking my damaged car a few blocks away. I was exhausted! During those 6 hours I was thankful for the little bit of water I had that I used to take my pills. Also my leftover salad from lunch that i ate with my hands . . it was just a really bad day.
I took off the next day and was finally able to get my humira and other necessities for this blizzard. I really wish I could completely relax ,but thinking of all the work I can catch up on, it sucks I have the ability to work remotely. . . I’m over this and the snow!