A week ago I attended onsite training at my job, total training session was 4 hours. Prior to the training, the idea of being stuck in a quiet room with people where I’m forced to be social for four hours spiked my anxiety. Not just for the social aspect, but the past couple of weeks I have had digestive issues and a recent fit with diarrhea, on average I was going to the bathroom at least 5 times a day. My secret spot became the lobby bathroom to avoid the shame of co-workers knowing who “blew up” the bathroom, sorry for the visual lol. Overall the training session went better than I expected until it was it was lunch time. . .
We were asked to pre-order our lunch so I chose a meaty chef salad that was gluten-sensitive . It was basically lunch meat and lettuce, but I forgot to specify the dressing and discovered the default dressing for this salad was Ranch dressing, I subconsciously smacked myself. Since I was one of the last people to return to room for lunch after a dash to the restroom and checking my emails, by the time I arrived everyone was eating I did not want to look like the odd ball refusing to eat, and was glad I ordered a side soup. I ordered a cup of organic vegetable soup thinking that would be safe but of course my order was mixed up, I received a tomato soup with cheese instead. That’s when my stomach started to ache, thinking about my GERD and the two hours of training remaining in this quiet room with 8 other people. I quickly observed the small group of us in the room and noticed everyone was eating all the food that was provided, someone was enjoying my soup! I just put the tomato soup to the side, saved it to eat for dinner in the safest environment, aka my apartment.
I was glad I missed half the time allotted for our lunch break so I could no longer torture myself by eating the ranch covered salad. When it was time to re-group I quickly put my salad and soup aside in the back of the room however, I noticed that whenever someone stepped out they quickly looked at my half eaten salad and cup of soup uneaten. I’m glad no one said a word, I was okay with being quietly judged.
Nearing the end of the training session, my stomach was killing me, I had to go. I continuously looked at my phone counting down the minutes that I could escape to the lobby restroom, but people kept asking questions! I’ve noticed I like to torture myself. I could have easily said I have to go, meeting in 5 minutes but no, I sat there began to sweat and shaking my leg to distract myself from the pain I was feeling, and of course we went 5 minutes over. When it finally ended and we all clapped and said goodbye, I ran to my desk to get my Mask spray and quietly walked to the elevator like nothing was wrong. Got to the lobby and ran to the restroom, first time I felt relieved that day . . . literally . . I hate ranch dressing!
You would think being snowed in for 5 days would be relaxing! Not for me! I’m over it, and not talking about the snow. . . .
Another busy stressful week, can’t wait until this conference is over at my job, so exhausting. As a result of the stress I saw blood for the first time in months . . . sighs . . . can’t sleep, felt nauseous for a few days and hard to breath one day. I think I was about to have an anxiety attack. So I started drinking some wine and taking a nap whenever I can and that has helped, and I haven’t seen blood since. I really never know what’s going on with my body, I just take it one day at a time.
Since I live in the DC metro area, we have been hit by the storm of the century!! Blizzard 2016! And I’m so over it lol Especially after my experience Wednesday night. Instead of going straight home Wednesday I decided head to downtown DC to my special pharmacy to pick up my humira injections. With 20 minutes until the pharmacy closed I got completely lost walking around and then it started snowing. Completely frustrated and tired, I headed back to metro and was stressed thinking how am I going to pickup my prescription before the blizzard.
I got back to where I parked my car and started driving to my apt which was 2 miles away. The snow started to stick and as I drove I saw an SUV literally parked on the sidewalk, as I stared in shock and slowly drove by I felt my car start to slide and tail spin. “Great!” was the first word that came out of my mouth, as I started to move my car back to the right so I’m no longer blocking traffic, another car hits me. Now my nerves are shot, and a piece of my car is in the street. . once I again i say “Freaking great!” Luckily I was okay and the other driver was too. We exchange information , his car was fine and he drove off. I should’ve done the same but I didn’t feel safe driving. Car insurance stated if your car is drive-able we can’t send a tow truck. . . “Freaking AMAZING” is what I said.
Fast forward 6 hours later, slipping and sliding with hundreds of other cars I finally arrived at my apartment after parking my damaged car a few blocks away. I was exhausted! During those 6 hours I was thankful for the little bit of water I had that I used to take my pills. Also my leftover salad from lunch that i ate with my hands . . it was just a really bad day.
I took off the next day and was finally able to get my humira and other necessities for this blizzard. I really wish I could completely relax ,but thinking of all the work I can catch up on, it sucks I have the ability to work remotely. . . I’m over this and the snow!
I walked into the endoscopy center nervous and exhausted. Only having two hours of sleep, and a meal of chicken broth and jello the day before, I just wanted to get it over with. I was called to the back and the nurse that greeted me gave me a big smile which eased my nerves. After signing some paperwork and changing into a gown I laid in the bed while she was preparing the IV. Out of the blue she said to me”You’re so brave, my daughter who’s 26 is just a big baby” I slightly chuckled and smiled in response. That was very sweet of her to say, but I really just wanted her to insert the IV without it being painful lol . . Of course it was painful lol
Soon after I was taken to the room and small talked with my GI who was in a chipper mood, he looked good lol I quickly passed out. The anesthesiologist did a good job, I woke up fully alert. After drinking my fruit punch juice box I was sitting crossed leg in the bed looking at pictures of my colon while chit-chatting with the nurse waiting for my GI. A completely different vibe than last year’s colonoscopy, I was like a pro and a little too comfortable.
After my colonoscopy my GI stated that if he did not know my medical history he would not have been able to tell by how good my colon looked. He said it looks like I have a normal colon, he was a happy man lol I have never seen him smile so much lol The only things he noticed was Localized erythema with no bleeding in the rectum, cold forceps were performed and non-bleeding internal hemorrhoids. Definitely an improvement.
The exiting news according to my GI is that I have reached remission! I will have to remain on Humira for now, but will start weaning off the other drugs. First one is the infamous Prednisone, which by mid January I will be completely off the drug! I’m more excited getting off Prednisone than remission to be honest lol.
I guess Humira was my saving grace . . . It’s nice to have happy news going into the New Year. I am very grateful.
Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays everyone!
I hope this day is filled with much joy and you got everything you wished for! 🙂
With every holiday there is always some sort of tradition, I might have a new one! This will be my 2nd year getting a colonoscopy before the New Year. I like to say I’m starting the New Year right with a good ole body cleanse, literally . . Like last year I am nervous going into this colonoscopy. I just hope I’m better. Taking 10 pills a day plus a Humira injection every two weeks it starting to show its effects. My hair has officially stopped growing everywhere, and the hair on my head is still falling out 😦 Also, I have noticed open sores around my neck and chest, looks like I have freckles. . . I really would love to get off these meds! And for the first time in years I have a cold, “perfect timing” to be sick during the holidays and days before a medical procedure . . my body is tired.
Remaining hopeful and living one day at a time . .
In honor of Crohn’s & Colitis awareness week, December 1-7, I decided to participate in the #7daysofIBD campaign sponsored by Crohn’s & Colitis UK. You take a picture for the next 7 days that display your life living with IBD. Since we are a very visual society these days, a photo can speak a thousands words. So below is my Day 1. For my fellow IBDers if you wanna participate click here for more information.
Day 1 – December 1, 2015
Below is my daily morning routine, filling my pill box for the day. I used to do it for the week but been lazy lately. 10 pills a day is not bad, 7 months ago I was taking 14 pills a day, at least one pill every hour I was awake. That was a very depressing time for me .
It’s been a week since my last post and not a good one. A very stressful, exhausting week it has been. New job has officially started to stress me out, but for the first time in my career its not over drama, just a lot of freaking work. But with my condition any amount of stress is bad, even if in my mind I categorize it as “good stress”. As a result of this stress and lack of sleep due to Game of Thrones binge watching (I think I have a problem lol) I had a serious flare attack. I went to the rest room at least 10 times that day at work, and had my first case of diarrhea in 7 months . . . it was horrible. After going to the bathroom 3 times in the span of 15 minutes I became desperate and hoped the little convenient store in our building had Imodium or Pepto. By the grace of God they did and it worked!! Then 2o minutes later I experience spasms of upper right abdominal and rectum pain, could not sit in my chair. . . Found some extra strength Tylenol and the pain went away. All that happened in the span of 8 hours, by time I got home I passed out, my body was exhausted.
Last weekend I took my Humira injection and the next day I noticed this huge black bruise on my upper thigh, right where I had the injection. Is this normal? lol It was a first time for me. No pain or swelling, just a huge black bruise. .It’s starting to fade away but still noticeable . Did I do something wrong? I usually inject in my right thigh but I have so many little dark circles from previous injections I decided to start with a fresh leg . . . I guess that was a mistake.
Unfortunately my stress level has doubled in the past couple of days due to some roommate drama and as a result today I had diarrhea once again. I got so worried it was obvious to my colleagues that I decided to use the restroom in our building lobby a couple times today . . . sighs . . its been rough lately . . I thought my colonoscopy scheduled for next month would be a breeze and Remission!! Now i’m not so sure . . .
Hopefully this holiday weekend I will be able to finally relax.
Saw my primary physician (pp) yesterday and when I got on the scale I gasped. I am officially 20 pounds heavier than what I was a year ago . . . fascinating. . . crazy thing is that I can still fit my jeans, it’s a good thing they’re stretch jeans. It’s also nice that my big clothes fit again and a belt is no longer needed . . . sighs. In the past 2 weeks I have gained 6.5 pounds, crazy right?!? I have either been an eating machine or hold intense water weight. . . I’m sick of it. Would like to eat well and not be big as an elephant. However, with the colonoscopy next month, I’ll probably lose those 6.5 pounds, so that’s something to look forward to . . the little joys in my life!!
My hip and lower back are starting to ache again. I told my PP about it and stated it’s probably because I’m completely out of shape, but she took it a little too seriously and immediately gave me a referral for physical therapy. . . “bitch please!” was the look I gave her. How dumb is it to walk into physical therapy pain-free. The pain is not like the hip injury I had a year ago when it was painful to walk, It’s just aches here and there. When I got home I trashed the referral, because the one thing I’ve learned this year is that Health Care is a freaking business! Most of you are probably thinking, “Well duh!” lol but I have truly seen the game and tricks doctors play from my many doctor visits this year. It’s like going to a car dealership where there is a problem everywhere! I was actually at the dealership today and the one repair that I’ve putting off might have to be replaced sooner than later.
I was so proud of myself earlier today, finally paying of medical expenses and reducing my credit card debt, it was such a feeling of relief. I went to the car dealership this morning for regular maintenance and they tell me this needs to be done, blah blah . . . a total cost of $1400 . . . bitch please! I walked out only paying around $250 the bare minerals. But the repair that cost the most needs to be replaced like yesterday. It sucks my commute to work is horrid and I have to drive my car (which might not be the safest now). I plan to go to Jiffy Lube right after work tomorrow, so I will no longer be paranoid but unfortunately hike up the credit card debt again. My little Corolla just hit 90K and all hell is breaking loose. . . it sucks because this was supposed to be the year I would start saving for a new car. That all changed when I was diagnosed with IBD plus a hospital stay. I’m pretty sure I’ve paid at least $3K (thank god for health insurance) this year in medical expenses, but I can’t complain. It would’ve been a lot worst with multiple hospital stays and even surgery(s) . I guess this year has been easy as a crohnie . . .
So is this my life now? Always worrying about money which causes stress, which causes a flare up, which could lead to a hospital stay and expensive medical procedures? Is this the routine of my life? I just realized prior to Halloween, I don’t recall the last time i did something social, like a party or just being around a lot of people, it’s embarrassing to say in the last year of my 20’s . . . but this year has REALLY sucked! And now with my car woes. . . it just keeps pouring . . .
I’m really tired . . .
I have a scheduled Flex Sigmoidoscopy next month and the prep instructions stated to complete an enema 1-2 hours prior. How’s that gonna happen? The first time I ever had an enema was in the hospital and to be honest that is the only place I imagine where you get an enema professionally done in a sterile environment. But you can buy a freaking enema kit from Rite Aid?!?! and I read you can do it yourself!?!? That sounds all fine and dandy for others but not for me . . . even if I am capable of doing it myself, I really don’t want to. . . I REALLY don’t want to . . . I don’t want to do it at all.
I sent a message to my GI’s office asking if I could drink the nasty prep stuff the night before since my procedure is scheduled for 7:15am the next day. . My GI’s response, he thinks it’s best that I get an enema done the morning of, since my colon needs to be cleansed close in time to the procedure. I haven’t responded yet because I need advice . . What would you do in my situation? I’m about to cancel the procedure all together and go for the standard colonoscopy. Getting that enema was a traumatic experience for me in the hospital, it was humiliating and painful at the same time. I don’t wanna get it done! sighs . . . I don’t want to get used to this . . . .
Today was a rough day, fatigue and insomnia has been a struggle this week, but the highlight of my day was to see the below article trending on Facebook!!! His story has been posted on major publications such as CBS News and People Magazine. The more awareness the better!!
Thank you Ste Walker for sharing your story and proving that looks can be deceiving.
Thank you for spreading IBD Awareness!
Check out the article – http://www.people.com/article/ste-walker-crohns-disease-viral-facebook-photo?xid=socialflow_facebook_peoplemag