I’ve been feeling kind of down lately and my current flare up proves it. Stress is definitely a trigger for me and I almost had an accident a couple of days ago to prove it. Not really appealing at 31 years old but I digress lol
Whenever I’m down I’m not the most happy person to be around and I start to feel like I’m living in a fog and just frustrated with the world. Not really a pleasant feeling. I had a dream last night that featured my favorite uncle that passed away about 15 years ago. Wow . . didn’t realize it’s been so long. Growing up as an only child and raised by my single mother he was that one consistent positive, fun, male figure in my life until I was 16 when he passed. Since his death whenever I have a dream and he’s in it, I feel like it’s his way of saying hi. It might be silly to think so, but since it happens so rarely I almost vividly remember every dream I’ve seen him. I’m not the most religious person but I do believe in life after death and that we do have our own guardian angels. I have had an experience where I was crossing the street and I thought my friend was pushing me across, to look back and see my friend still on the other side of the street and the truck that almost hit me stopped. I was literally pushed and remember feeling fingers on my back, that more than anything convinced me that spirits exist.
So last night I had a dream and my uncle appeared, in past dreams I’ve never had a conversation with him, he was just talking to other family members, it was like a scene out of my life. For the first time in a dream I walked up to him and said “Hi, I miss you and if this is your way of saying hi, I thank you so much for doing this.” He just smiled and then I woke up. I cried for a good 10 minutes, it just seemed so real and I didn’t realize how much I’ve missed my uncle. 15 years later, I’ve realized losing a loved one is something you’ll never get over, but just learn how to live without them.
Even though I’ve been feeling down, I’m grateful to wake up and see another day. There are many days where life is so hard, especially when having good health is not always guaranteed, but life is also so very precious and its nice to know that I’m not always alone.
As always taking one day at a time and remaining hopeful.
The past six weeks have been insanely busy and I never want to experience it again lol. Since the first week of May I haven’t had a free weekend since April. From a friend’s bachelorette and wedding, mom’s graduation, moving, and mini vacay to Jamaica I’m officially spent physically and my bank account is dry. But I’m not complaining, I can go on a ramen diet, I’m excited that I can eat ramen again lol. It’s crazy to think two years ago I would’ve declined majority of those events due to my poor health. So I have been grateful to be invited and healthy enough to go to each event. I am afraid to miss out. I feel like for almost two years I was at such a low health wise and mentally that I checked out of my life, I was in a fog . . This year is the first with no meds and complete remission, so I’m trying to do everything before this good health goes away *knock on wood*.
Even though IBD-wise I have had a clean slate this year, I’ve been sick in many other ways. For example my two spells with Tonsillitis this year, last time I had it was 20 years ago. I saw an ENT doctor and he stated if it happens five more times this year, then I’ll suggest you get your tonsils removed . .. WTH?!? In addition to my tonsils my teeth have been horrendous, still paying off dental work from last year, getting two crowns and a root canal is no joke. Thinking about getting a 2nd job to pay off debt, but I’m scared the stress and physicalitly of working two jobs would be too much for my body. I’ve had this random craving for ginger ale, would drink it everyday if I could. . . last time I had such cravings it was to help with my stomach and shortly after I was admitted to the hospital. I hope this is not an early sign of a flare up, fingers crossed.
Remaining hopeful and taking one day at a time!
My colon is finally healthy which is a cause for celebration, but I feel like I haven’t had a good workout in over a year. I took a biking class a couple of weeks ago and my entire body was sore for days. I was so sore that I tried to throw something in the trash and it did not make it to the trash can, so I let it to sit on the floor for another day. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to get back up if I reach down to pick it up. lol I am 30 years old not 60!! I gotta get back in shape. I am claiming a different lifestyle for the remainder of this year, and by writing my plan I am “speaking it into existence!!”
- Like I stated before, I am 30 not 60 and I never want to be that sore again. Before it gets too hot, I plan to start walking for lunch even if means taking a walk in the nearby mall. I cannot sit for 8 hours and unfortunately my work environment doesn’t help. I have a horrible desk chair, no windows, and our office is literally off the highway, it doesn’t encourage me to be active.
- At my new place I plan to start commuting via public transportation, might take longer but its better than sitting in my car. Also, there is a free gym in my building, a trail, and many public places within walkable distance, I look forward to it!
- My first step will be for my new place to be an oasis. Everyday I come home I want to walk into a relaxed environment. To me that means lot of pillows, smells good, plants, and I’m thinking about buying a mini waterfall, like the kind at a spa? lol. I’m pretty sure I can find an affordable one on Amazon :). All that plus some chill music and a glass of wine, I will be good! I’m asking a couple of friends to help me decorate on a budget, and I for sure will have a house-warming, its time to make my home a home.
- Working 8-hour days is a necessity. If work doesn’t get done after 8 hours it is not my concern because I need to go home not feeling so exhausted. Maybe doing this will encourage my boss to hire additional staff or I might get fired, who knows! lol I really don’t care at the moment. If I plan to be here for another 30+ years I have to reduce this stress. At my current rate with my sleepless nights lately, I’m trying very hard to not induce a flare-up. I would like to stay in remission!
- Looking for a church home, I have not always been the most religious person, but I think it’s healthy to be in a positive environment. I think it will be another place to escape to, and help me to look at life in a different, more positive perspective.
- Luckily May will be my busiest month, got so much going on I’m slightly stressed lol My mother and a good friend are both celebrating getting their Master’s, I’m surrounded by smart people 🙂 Another friend is getting married let the festivities begin! I’m moving on May 12th that should be an exciting and exhausting weekend! And taking a much needed mini vacation to Jamaica in early June for a friend’s 30th! I’m going to try to make it to all events but I am 30 no longer a youngin lol
- If my job pays for this coding program, that will greatly enhance my coding skills and will expose me to many different people. I hope I bump into the next Zuckerburg sick of this 9 to 5 lifestyle.
- And I promised my grandmother I’ll get married eventually lol I’m just taking my life in stride and if he appears, I am happy to say that I am now open to being loved. Took a long time for me to get to this point, still a work in progress 😉
I think that covers the basics, I’ll create a timeline another day. And yes, I am slightly a Type A when it comes to time management 🙂
Always remaining hopeful, taking one day a time!
Writer’s block is no joke! I’ve noticed how lazy I have become. I used to come home and write for hours, now I just lay on the couch watching TV, I can no longer stand it! I was recently inspired to write again after a conversation with my mother, stating how I haven’t been feeling well mentally and physically and the last time I felt this way was when I started this blog. So I’m getting back to TummyWoes because it is therapeutic and something I truly enjoy. And since there is a never a dull moment in my life, I have a LOT to write about. . . Hopefully writing this post will get me out of my funk . . .
To my fellow bloggers, how do you prevent a writer’s block?
I have been dreading February 2016 for the past 6 months. It was the month of my first big conference at the new job. ( I guess I did well since I’m still employed). Also, I had to move because my lease ended this month. So as you can imagine stress was at an all time high. And when you’re highly stressed and have IBD, what can happen?!?! A Flare-Up!! You are correct! Remission has been gone for the past month, and I’m being irresponsible because I have not told my GI. . . I don’t know what I’m doing and why I like to play games with my health, but I don’t have any leave and I just moved to 1 bedroom apartment, I’m broke lol And I can’t afford any new medical expenses. I haven’t been to the dentist in almost year, because i’m scared of what they might find and how much it’s going to cost me. Ever since I have been diagnosed with IBD, I have a genuine fear of all doctors. After spending last year in and out of doctor offices and my first hospital stay, i’m trying my best to avoid all white walled rooms. Thank goodness my walls are grey at the new place. . . sighs.
The bleeding appeared again about a month ago, shortly after I weaned off the prednisone. And during my stress peak it looked like I was on my period, bright red. Now the blood is not as much, so maybe I’m getting better? . . . Either way I should still inform my GI ? . . . sighs . .
People are starting to worry about me at the job. Especially now that I have had a cold for almost a week now. It’s getting harder to keep my illness a secret . . .
As always I remain hopeful . . .
Roommate drama is at an all time high. Crazy roommate want to leave a month early and expected us to find a replacement. Who’s going to move into an apartment for one month in February?!?! Today is January 30th, and we have obviously not been able to find a replacement. Me and the other roommate tried to have a civil conversation with crazy girl to explain how silly she was acting, she was not having it and said things that would involve her “lawyer”. After that conversation things really haven’t gotten any better. And the other roommate who keeps trying to help is making matters worst. I have two roommates one is batshit crazy, the other is severely passive aggressive and doesn’t even know it. I’m in the middle like what the hell is going on?!?! From all this drama I went to bed around 8pm with a migraine and my neck killing me, I had to sleep with a neck pillow.
The passive aggressive roommate said to me, Krystal you never argue. I half smiled. I have too much stress in my life to argue with crazy people. Arguing with a crazy person is like talking in a calm voice to a person that’s waving their arms and screaming, it’s a waste of energy. So I told her with the stress at my job, recent car accident and my damaged car, oh! and I have Crohn’s, I don’t have the time or energy to deal with people and their pride.
Been in Panera Bread since 11am it is now 2:15pm. I’ll be leaving soon, scheduled a facial at a nearby spa. I need to relax somehow, pray for me lol Less than a month away until I move into my own place. Thank goodness.
Another busy stressful week, can’t wait until this conference is over at my job, so exhausting. As a result of the stress I saw blood for the first time in months . . . sighs . . . can’t sleep, felt nauseous for a few days and hard to breath one day. I think I was about to have an anxiety attack. So I started drinking some wine and taking a nap whenever I can and that has helped, and I haven’t seen blood since. I really never know what’s going on with my body, I just take it one day at a time.
Since I live in the DC metro area, we have been hit by the storm of the century!! Blizzard 2016! And I’m so over it lol Especially after my experience Wednesday night. Instead of going straight home Wednesday I decided head to downtown DC to my special pharmacy to pick up my humira injections. With 20 minutes until the pharmacy closed I got completely lost walking around and then it started snowing. Completely frustrated and tired, I headed back to metro and was stressed thinking how am I going to pickup my prescription before the blizzard.
I got back to where I parked my car and started driving to my apt which was 2 miles away. The snow started to stick and as I drove I saw an SUV literally parked on the sidewalk, as I stared in shock and slowly drove by I felt my car start to slide and tail spin. “Great!” was the first word that came out of my mouth, as I started to move my car back to the right so I’m no longer blocking traffic, another car hits me. Now my nerves are shot, and a piece of my car is in the street. . once I again i say “Freaking great!” Luckily I was okay and the other driver was too. We exchange information , his car was fine and he drove off. I should’ve done the same but I didn’t feel safe driving. Car insurance stated if your car is drive-able we can’t send a tow truck. . . “Freaking AMAZING” is what I said.
Fast forward 6 hours later, slipping and sliding with hundreds of other cars I finally arrived at my apartment after parking my damaged car a few blocks away. I was exhausted! During those 6 hours I was thankful for the little bit of water I had that I used to take my pills. Also my leftover salad from lunch that i ate with my hands . . it was just a really bad day.
I took off the next day and was finally able to get my humira and other necessities for this blizzard. I really wish I could completely relax ,but thinking of all the work I can catch up on, it sucks I have the ability to work remotely. . . I’m over this and the snow!
I have my colonoscopy tomorrow which holds my future. I should not allow this procedure to hold such power, but I really need 2016 to be different . . . I put on a good face as always but I’m tired of faking that I’m so much happier lately feeling better . . i’m not. And I feel like this illness has trapped me this past year. I was ready to quit my job and just move, anywhere . . can’t do that when you have a chronic illness and need a job to get health insurance to pay for your meds. . sighs . .
My Christmas was fine, but didn’t appreciate my love life being the main topic. I don’t understand why lately it’s been such a main topic among my family and friends lately . . . . I’m curious to know how many people that were sick that got healthy, and the first thing on their list is to find a husband/wife?? . . like that’s going to solve all my problems . . but I guess I can’t knock it until I try it. . .so to appease everyone i’m making a genuine effort to find my “love” in 2016. So when people ask again, I can say yes, i am no longer single . . .
Apologies for the melodramatics lol I’m on this liquid diet today, starving and dreading the Suprep I will have to consume in 4 hours and the results of it . . . I really need to stop planning these procedures around the holidays, sick of lying to people how great my holiday break was . . .
I need 2016 to be different . .
Saw my primary physician (pp) yesterday and when I got on the scale I gasped. I am officially 20 pounds heavier than what I was a year ago . . . fascinating. . . crazy thing is that I can still fit my jeans, it’s a good thing they’re stretch jeans. It’s also nice that my big clothes fit again and a belt is no longer needed . . . sighs. In the past 2 weeks I have gained 6.5 pounds, crazy right?!? I have either been an eating machine or hold intense water weight. . . I’m sick of it. Would like to eat well and not be big as an elephant. However, with the colonoscopy next month, I’ll probably lose those 6.5 pounds, so that’s something to look forward to . . the little joys in my life!!
My hip and lower back are starting to ache again. I told my PP about it and stated it’s probably because I’m completely out of shape, but she took it a little too seriously and immediately gave me a referral for physical therapy. . . “bitch please!” was the look I gave her. How dumb is it to walk into physical therapy pain-free. The pain is not like the hip injury I had a year ago when it was painful to walk, It’s just aches here and there. When I got home I trashed the referral, because the one thing I’ve learned this year is that Health Care is a freaking business! Most of you are probably thinking, “Well duh!” lol but I have truly seen the game and tricks doctors play from my many doctor visits this year. It’s like going to a car dealership where there is a problem everywhere! I was actually at the dealership today and the one repair that I’ve putting off might have to be replaced sooner than later.
I was so proud of myself earlier today, finally paying of medical expenses and reducing my credit card debt, it was such a feeling of relief. I went to the car dealership this morning for regular maintenance and they tell me this needs to be done, blah blah . . . a total cost of $1400 . . . bitch please! I walked out only paying around $250 the bare minerals. But the repair that cost the most needs to be replaced like yesterday. It sucks my commute to work is horrid and I have to drive my car (which might not be the safest now). I plan to go to Jiffy Lube right after work tomorrow, so I will no longer be paranoid but unfortunately hike up the credit card debt again. My little Corolla just hit 90K and all hell is breaking loose. . . it sucks because this was supposed to be the year I would start saving for a new car. That all changed when I was diagnosed with IBD plus a hospital stay. I’m pretty sure I’ve paid at least $3K (thank god for health insurance) this year in medical expenses, but I can’t complain. It would’ve been a lot worst with multiple hospital stays and even surgery(s) . I guess this year has been easy as a crohnie . . .
So is this my life now? Always worrying about money which causes stress, which causes a flare up, which could lead to a hospital stay and expensive medical procedures? Is this the routine of my life? I just realized prior to Halloween, I don’t recall the last time i did something social, like a party or just being around a lot of people, it’s embarrassing to say in the last year of my 20’s . . . but this year has REALLY sucked! And now with my car woes. . . it just keeps pouring . . .
I’m really tired . . .
When you’re sick you would expect out of all people your doctor would be the most compassionate, but it’s not always the case. As a patient you spend so much of your time and money to seek professional help to get healthy, but then you start to realize your illness is just a paycheck for some. How disturbing and disrespectful! So . . . since they view your illness and regular appointments as transactions, well I need to view them as a business too. I am taking time out of my day and money out of my pockets to see a doctor for a service. I expect quality service as soon as I walk in. If I continuously receive bad service I will take my money and time elsewhere. . I know this is easier said than done especially when seeing a GI since there are so few GI doctors, but as patients we have to demand respect, and our questions/concerns should be taken seriously. We’re NOT craving for attention, we’re sick!!!
I found the below clip from the Golden Girls on my fbook newsfeed, it spoke volumes for me and has given me new-found confidence whenever I visit a doctor. Please watch and share!