IBD is annoying . . . .

I have missed doing the things i love, like writing for this blog . . . Past few months have been annoying! I refuse to say hard because overall i’m living a good life and is now grateful i’m healthy again . . “now” is the keyword.

Last time I chatted with you I was going in for a colonoscopy because the bleeding, stomach pains, and frequent trips to the bathroom came back with revenge. The results of the colonoscopy showed I had proctitis which is an inflammation of the lining of the rectum. So I was immediately prescribed Canasa which didn’t work at all. I got so sick i took 3 days off of work and was on a gatorade, chicken broth diet. After another visit to my GI’s office they put me on Cortifoam as a temporary solution until  . . .  .dun dun dun!! . . they put me back on Humira! Sighs .  . . as I sit slumped in a corner feeling defeated. 😦

Humira has been my saving grace in the past and I hope it works again this time around but reality is beginning to set for me . . . will I have to be dependent on medications for the rest of life with this disease ?!? Almost three years in and it’s still hard for me to accept, I just cannot grasp that this will be lifelong . . . wow . . . it’s such a defeating feeling. Prior to getting sick I took the initiative to be more healthy. I signed up for a gym membership, got a personal trainer so I can exercise safely this time around, then I got really sick. When I was diagnosed in 2014 it was too after I was physically active, I was diagnosed 4 months after doing my first Mud Run obstacle course, I was in the best shape of life. Could this be a trigger? Can’t be right? Another topic for another day.

I have officially started Humira, completed the horrible 4 injections starter pack  2 weeks ago and starting to wean off the cortifoam which was my 2nd saving grace. I’ll take cortifoam any day over prednisone. I’m back at the gym, PT sessions are over and I have now become a gym rat, at the gym like 4 days a week, cray cray! But I’m proud of myself! I overcame a flare to going back to doing something I enjoy. Now just need to get rid of this job (which is the main reason why I’m in the gym 4 days a week, another post for another day).

As always, I remain hopeful and taking one day at a time.

Well it was nice while it lasted . . . :(

Eh . . . Remission was fun while it lasted, or maybe I’m jumping the gun! I’ll know for sure on Tuesday, have an endoscopy and colonoscopy scheduled . . .  sighs

Bleeding and having bloody stools has been consistent for the past month so I finally forced myself to go see my GI, I really hope it’s just hemorrhoids but after falling asleep on my couch for the 3rd night in a row. . . . yeah it’s something.  When I saw my GI he was quick to suggest I get back on Prednisone and I just wasn’t having it by my childish response “Do I have to!!”  He suggested we look inside before he puts me back on meds. I’m really trying to lose weight because it’s just been out of control lately and going back on steroids will not help. I’m at my heaviest weight ever and to many that know me I still look skinny, but for me It’s not about being skinny, it’s about being healthy and if I can’t fit my clothes lol   I’ve always said when I can’t fit my clothes is when I’ll start to care about my weight, well I can’t fit my clothes now and too broke to go shopping. I’ve been so sick, stressed, and busy this year my body is like nope! I think it’s time to make lifestyle changes and make big moves because my life has been the same for the past couple of years and I’m not getting any healthier.

I’ve see many others in my life get married, have kids, new relationships and friendships and my life has been stagnant. The only continuous surprise is my illness, never know when it wants to come back and ruin all my plans like usual . . . . but that’s because I allow it, my goal is to avoid doing that this time. Outside of my IBD I’m still working on me. Been at my new apartment for almost 4 months now and I love it! Still at the same job, hopefully for not too much longer. I just feel like our director just ruined a good thing, before he started we had a well oiled machine he decided to throw a wrench at it and leave it broken . . . and I’m literally sick of putting out fires. I think the stress is the reason why I started to flare up, non-profit jobs are fun on the surface but just soooo unorganized and stressful. Just joined a gym and signed up for a personal trainer . . . I’m very stubborn so I feel sorry for him lol but it’s something different and hopefully he holds me accountable. I’ve created a meetup for fellow health bloggers in my area, we’re 3 strong at the moment but the goal is to network with people with a similar passion and see what happens, and in a weird way it will be cool to be surrounded by fellow chronic illness folks *shrugs* .  I’ve tried support groups and always left feeling worst, going to try something different this time around. Lastly, gonna try to get a PMP certification, I hate taking any forms of a test with a passion but If I can pass this, I think it will be a life changer. Since I’m single with no kids I’m trying to spoil myself as much as I can with all this “Me” time .

As always remaining hopeful and taking one day at time.

IBD back at it again . . . :(

As I embark on my 31st first birthday tomorrow, I’m reflecting on how 2017 has been so far , and it’s been a busy year. In addition, I’ve been eating what I want, not exercising, candy/soda galore. It was like YES! I’m on Remission so I’m going to eat everything I’ve denied myself for two years, and as a result I have gained weight which are normal consequences for such a diet.  Until last week .. . I saw blood for the first time in like a year . . . I didn’t think anything of it since it was not consistent. For the past two days, I have seen significant blood when I wipe and  today was the first time seeing it in the toilet, but I’m still hesitant to contact my GI. I’m scared . . . .

I really do not want to go back on meds and my financial situation isn’t great at the moment so I cannot afford anything extra right now. I do have hemorrhoids so my grandmother suggested hemorrhoid suppositories? never used them but I might try it to just see if it stops the bleeding. I have no other symptons, other than fatigue at the moment but that’s been constant for years. Sighs . . . I have been highly stressed out lately. I think my boss is purposely sinking the ship of our organization and a co-worker told me she’s quitting after our conference next month and I’m sick of putting out his fires . . . I’m just fucking tired . . . So as a way to relax I will be in a spa for 4 hours tomorrow and a custom makeover afterwards, it’s the way I decided to celebrate my birthday this year.

Trying to remain hopeful, taking one day at a time  . . . .

Time to get fully healthy!

My colon is finally healthy which is a cause for celebration, but I feel like I haven’t had a good workout in over a year. I took a biking class a couple of weeks ago and my entire body was sore for days. I was so sore that I tried to throw something in the trash and it did not make it to the trash can, so I let it to sit on the floor for another day.  I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to get back up if I reach down to pick it up. lol I am 30 years old not 60!!  I gotta get back in shape. I am claiming a different lifestyle for the remainder of this year, and by writing my plan I am “speaking it into existence!!”

Physical Health

  • Like I stated before, I am 30 not 60 and I never want to be that sore again. Before it gets too hot, I plan to start walking for lunch even if means taking a walk in the nearby mall. I cannot sit for 8 hours and unfortunately my work environment doesn’t help. I have a horrible desk chair, no windows, and our office is literally off the highway, it doesn’t encourage me to be active.
  • At my new place I plan to start commuting via public transportation, might take longer but its better than sitting in my car. Also, there is a free gym in my building, a trail, and many public places within walkable distance, I look forward to it!

Reducing Stress

  • My first step will be for my new place to be an oasis. Everyday I come home I want to walk into a relaxed environment. To me that means lot of pillows, smells good, plants, and I’m thinking about buying a mini waterfall, like the kind at a spa? lol. I’m pretty sure I can find an affordable one on Amazon :).  All that plus some chill music and a glass of wine, I will be good! I’m asking a couple of friends to help me decorate on a budget, and I for sure will have a house-warming, its time to make my home a home.
  • Working 8-hour days is a necessity. If work doesn’t get done after 8 hours it is not my concern because I need to go home not feeling so exhausted. Maybe doing this will encourage my boss to hire additional staff or I might get fired, who knows! lol I really don’t care at the moment. If I plan to be here for another 30+ years I have to reduce this stress. At my current rate with my sleepless nights lately, I’m trying very hard to not induce a flare-up. I would like to stay in remission!
  • Looking for a church home, I have not always been the most religious person, but I think it’s healthy to be in a positive environment. I think it will be another place to escape to, and help me to look at life in a different, more positive perspective.

Social Life

  • Luckily May will be my busiest month, got so much going on I’m slightly stressed lol My mother and a good friend are both celebrating getting their Master’s, I’m surrounded by smart people 🙂 Another friend is getting married let the festivities begin! I’m moving on May 12th that should be an exciting and exhausting weekend! And taking a much needed mini vacation to Jamaica in early June for a friend’s 30th! I’m going to try to make it to all events but I am 30 no longer a youngin lol
  • If my job pays for this coding program, that will greatly enhance my coding skills and will expose me to many different people. I hope I bump into the next Zuckerburg sick of this 9 to 5 lifestyle.
  • And I promised my grandmother I’ll get married eventually lol I’m just taking my life in stride and if he appears, I am happy to say that I am now open to being loved. Took a long time for me to get to this point, still a work in progress 😉

I think that covers the basics, I’ll create a timeline another day. And yes, I am slightly a Type A when it comes to time management 🙂

Always remaining hopeful, taking one day a time!

Sigh of relief . . .

I know  . . . it’s been a minute, but for the first time in over two years I can say my tummy has not been the cause of my woes, which is amazing right!! I am in full remission, GI is amazed and I’m in denial.  For the first time in years I am on no meds, only thing I’m taking are vitamins, I guess Humira was my saving grace, it worked for me. When my enthused GI was in amazement in how everything looks good including my blood work, I was completely zoned out.   It was like I was Charlie Brown, I didn’t understand a word coming out of his mouth. It was just odd . . . I had been through so much physically and mentally over the past two years, I was in disbelief?  I just smiled thinking I’ll believe it when I see it. Two months later I am still symptom free and gaining weight which is bittersweet 😉

My health has improved but my lifestyle remains the same, so my body is no longer “stressing” in my tummy but recently my jaw. I had a major flare a couple of weeks ago where the left side of my face was swollen and the pain from my jaw moved down to my neck and eventually my back. I debated going to the ER and glad I didn’t because I felt  much better in the morning. Due to this scare, I was prescribed muscle relaxers and strong pain killers to keep handy for another possible flare. Since I have had recent dental work and new crowns (yes plural, hence why I’m broke) and have a history of TMJ symptoms it just seems like a typical day. I told my mother; “it’s how I know I’m alive is when I’m in pain some sort of way”. It’s sad to say but that’s how “I” stress my body, and at 30 years old I still haven’t figured out a way to reduce my stress and handle it differently, but I can only blame myself. I keep doing the same things, same jobs, why would I expect a different outcome?

I’m starting to see the effects of the meds that IBD has put on my body, my teeth are horrid, one of my crowns was to replace a broken filling. My hair is completely dry and I had a bald spot in the middle of my head, but noticed recently that the hair in that area is now starting to grow, thank goodness! I just realized that two years ago at this exact time, I was going to the bathroom 10-15 times a day, had severe stomach pains that no painkillers could relieve, and a week later I was admitted to the hospital . . . Thank god it has been two years and no hospital stay. I have to at least be happy and thankful for that!

I’m starting to make some major lifestyle changes in the next 6 months. First step is i’m moving, found a new place moving in 27 days to be exact! Working on developing a new skill set, took a coding class last week and haven’t been this excited in years in learning something new.

Taking one day at a time, but for the first time in while, I am excited for the future!