Flaring up?

The past two months have been stressful and insanely busy. Most of my time has been devoted to this job where our Executive Director occasionally vents to me about our Board of Directors, and I immediately noticed my stomach starts to hurt. Minutes later I develop a headache.  Ever since I was diagnosed with IBD, I have learned how to better handle my stress, but I now believe people stress me out too.  A friend recently said to me,  “Krystal I didn’t know you had so many issues at your job” They’re right, because I refuse to talk about work outside of work, it was something I noticed that would cause me significant stress. The stress at my job is not drama related (anymore, no longer have to work with the office bully lol) but just a lot of work and a major disconnect with  the Board. It’s been hard to make change and I feel like I’m not working smarter, but working harder. So everyday I go home physically and mentally exhausted.

Severe fatigue has been a problem for me for the past 3 months and it’s getting worse every day. Every week lately I either fall asleep on my couch or wake up in my work clothes in my bed after an attempt to just “lay down” for five minutes. I am frequently up around 3am to brush my teeth and wash my face. In addition to the fatigue a familiar foe has returned, bleeding! Once I noticed it happened more than one time, I immediately contacted my GI and went to the LabCorp this Monday to get blood work done. Frequent bathroom trips are becoming a regular occurrence lately, so I’m worried.

I partly blame myself, haven’t been taking my meds everyday like I should. Do you ever get “meds fatigue”? Some days I have genuinely forgotten to take my meds. I’m tired . . .

As always, I remain hopeful and taking one day at a time . . .

I hate winter . . .

I’m a summer baby and love warm weather, and love it even more as I get older because it never causes hazardous conditions. Ever since I got into my accident I refuse to drive when there is any possibility of icy roads even when it comes to my health. I ran out of my Apriso pills yesterday and had every intention to refill the prescription but oh golly gee, I actually had a date for Valentine’s day, and it lasted longer than I expected, which was a good thing (will discuss in more detail in a later post). But sucked because the pharmacy closes early on Sundays, and its been snowing all day. As a result I have felt more tired in the past day, but i think it’s mostly due to my hectic, stressful lifestyle lately. Conference at my job finally ended and I can’t even relax, why is that?!? . . I’m still trying to figure that out myself. And I’m moving exactly a week from today and haven’t packed, I just have too much going on and no energy. As I continue to lay in my bed, and dreading going to work tomorrow, I’m reflecting on my recent lifestyle choices. I have been mentally and physically exhausted for the past two months, how much longer can I keep this up?

Life is already difficult, adding a chronic illness to it . . . just sucks

 

2016 will be different! . .

I really didn’t intend to take a little break after my remission post, but I was exhausted.  Instead of napping after my colonoscopy I stayed up and ate myself into oblivion, and was exhausted and constipated for days. Didn’t feel better until New Year’s Eve and of course I wanted to go out, but due to me just recovering from a cold and a colonoscopy, I was starting to think it was not the best idea. And since plans were still undecided it was starting to stress me out; made my stomach hurt lol, I decided not to go out. So my mom invited me to go to church, and I initially hesitated because I am not the most religious person, but why not start the New Year in a positive environment. I went to church on New Year’s Eve and it was one of the best decisions I made. I left feeling better, mentally, and more optimistic about my future  . . . I kind of wish I would’ve made an effort to go to church more often last year when I was really depressed, but I spent many Sundays in bed.

I was very excited about the news of remission, it means we found a drug that works!! Since I’m still fairly new to having this disease it was hard for me to grasp that in order to stay in remission I have to continue to take this drug (Humira). . For some reason, I thought remission was “Yay! no drugs” But remission doesn’t mean cured, these meds can’t cure IBD because there is no cure, and once that sunk in; I’ll admit I felt kind of sad.. I have come to accept that I will  be on medications for the rest of my life? .  It’s kind of scary, and is it safe to be on Humira for a long period of time? Will it continue to work? As usual i like to stress myself out over all the possibilities . .  . . I just hate being surprised. . .but I have no control over this disease.  Like my friends and family have said in the past few days, “Krystal take this as a positive, and tackle the issues when they come” . . . . This is something I will train myself to do!

Living one day at a time and remaining hopeful! Happy New Year!

I have missed drinking . . .

This past week has been a true test for my body because I’m totally torturing it  . . . ever since I landed back in DC last Sunday evening and went to work the next day, I have barely rested. Wednesday night I once again fell asleep in my work clothes, but I got a little help from a pink punch martini. And my social drinking continued with happy hour Thursday night, and a housewarming party last night. This is the most social I’ve been in like a year, and for me to be invited, RSVP yes, and actually have the energy to show up, is definitely  improvement.

But when you have active IBD it will always remind you,”I’m still here”. After running errands this morning, I have been in bed since 2pm and  it’s now 10pm. However, maybe my fatigue today might not just be from having IBD, I might actually be hung over lol Either way, my stomach is fine which is happily surprising. Lately when I do drink, I only consume vodka, gin, or dry white wine. I read somewhere that those type of drinks are gut friendly and I have to agree.

I was totally out of my comfort zone last night only knowing one of the hosts at the housewarming party. My anxiety was at a dangerous level at first , I was standing in the corner for a bit playing with their cat. Then my friend asked “What are you drinking?” and listed the many options. Looking around I noticed the  vast amount of wine bottles on their kitchen counter and the stash in their fridge, and swallowed hard thinking this is going to be a “ruff” night. After my 2nd cup of wine those butterflies were gone and I started feeling comfortable and talking to almost everyone at the party. Liquid courage is a beautiful thing 😉  Then peer pressure appeared, my friend the host, wanted to say cheers by taking a shot of vodka. Her friend who grew up in Ukraine happened to bring a bottle of peppered vodka. Of course i said no at first, I already had about 3 cups of wine, but I gave in and thought well it has to be the good stuff, and I’ll admit it was very smooth. After that drink I was pretty much done and hot!! I was like I haven’t been drunk in so long, it was a relaxing feeling. I silently said to myself, “I miss this feeling”.  I was never an alchie, but I have always enjoyed drinking and wine/beer festivals, so when I was diagnosed I was sad knowing that part of my life would have to “end”.

I’ll admit I’ve been feeling better lately, maybe Humira is working for me? I’ll know for sure in a few weeks, have a colonoscopy scheduled right before New Years just like last year, fingers crossed for remission!

My daily life . .

tw5

I think i’m going through another flare-up because the bloody stools are back 😦 I’m afraid to tell my GI because they might put me back on the prednisone, but I’m not feeling any better lately.  I’m just really tired and  experiencing major brain fog, which I hope isn’t too obvious at the new job. But I’m still new, so this is the perfect time to get away with the ditz moments.  I really hope that stress from the previous job, starting a new job,  and pmsing which have all occurred in the past 3 weeks is the reason for this flare and not signs that my condition is getting worse. This weekend I’m traveling for the job’s annual conference . . . sighs . . I think i’ll be able to finally rest in two weeks . .

Next week is going to be hectic so taking a little break from writing 😦 I’ll be back at it in a week.

As always I remain hopeful. Taking one day at a time.

Beyond tired . . .

So . . working 11-hour days two days straight, is probably not a smart thing to do when you have IBD.  I am beyond tired . . . I think I started speaking in tongues by the end of the day, could not form a sentence to save my life. But I am taking a short vacay and will be out of office for a week! woo hoo!

I will be traveling for the first time since my diagnosis. This will be my first trip in 2015 and I am more anxious than ever. Traveling on a plane, how to pack my medications and the fear of security pulling me to the side, has been on my mind for the past few days. Also, since I’m doing the FODMAP diet, it’s going to be difficult not to cheat . . . sighs . . so many things on my  mind, too many things on my mind!! I have the weekend to figure this out and hopefully calm my nerves. Any tips would be greatly appreciated!

Now I’m wired, I do not imagine falling asleep anytime soon 😦

Remaining hopeful and taking one day at a time 🙂

Stress . . .

TW stress pic

Yeah . . . I had about 4 WTF moments today!! Job stressed me out and now I’m completely exhausted. Instead of spring cleaning this evening I’ll be heading to bed shortly smh . . . I gotta do better

Not good news . . . . :(

Have you ever stared at the ceiling to prevent tears from falling on your face? To avoid letting someone see you cry? That was me today. It wasn’t like I was shocked by the news, but I felt like I reached my breaking point.

After two weeks of horrible symptoms I finally got to see my GI, he said two words that I hoped I would never hear, “Prednisone & Remicade”.    He stated how my condition is getting worst and in order to force my symptoms into remission he prescribed me prednisone (aka “the devil”, the name many IBDers call it). Thankfully its not a high dosage, and I was told to take it until I start feeling better and eventually stop.  Once i’m off the prednisone, he would like to start remicade in order to maintain my remission. Unfortunately, Remicade is not an oral prescription, it can only be done through IV infusion, which means a trip to the hospital for 3-4 hours, every few weeks.  . . sighs . . . I don’t like hospitals.

Before my follow-up appointment in one month, I have a lot of lab work. More blood work, testing for tuberculosis and hepatitis, and a stool sample. The process of collecting a stool sample is hilarious to me, but I won’t gross you guys out lol  Also today, I got a call from my primary physician about my blood work results, she stated I have Vitamin D deficiency, and wants me to buy over the counter Vitamin D supplements. I’m not surprised, in the past week I have had no energy and  my body aches all over. So . . . with the addition of prednisone and Vitamin D pills, my pill intake has increased to  . . . 14 pills a day!!!

It was truly a sad moment in my GI’s office, we both looked at each other with sad eyes 😦  I would write more, but I am completely exhausted. Really hoping I feel better soon.