A wonderful visit :)

I’ve been feeling kind of down lately and my current flare up proves it. Stress is definitely a trigger for me and I almost had an accident a couple of days ago to prove it. Not really appealing at 31 years old but I digress lol

Whenever I’m down I’m not the most happy person to be around and I start to feel like I’m living in a fog and just frustrated with the world. Not really a pleasant feeling. I had a dream last night that featured my favorite uncle that passed away about 15 years ago. Wow . . didn’t realize it’s been so long. Growing up as an only child and raised by my single mother he was that one consistent positive, fun, male figure in my life until I was 16 when he passed. Since his death whenever I have a dream and he’s in it, I feel like it’s his way of saying hi. It might be silly to think so, but since it happens so rarely I almost vividly remember every dream I’ve seen him. I’m not the most religious person but I do believe in life after death and that we do have our own guardian angels. I have had an experience where I was crossing the street and I thought my friend was pushing me across, to look back and see my friend still on the other side of the street and the truck that almost hit me stopped. I was literally pushed and remember feeling fingers on my back, that more than anything convinced me that spirits exist.

So last night I had a dream and my uncle appeared, in past dreams I’ve never had a conversation with him, he was just talking to other family members, it was like a scene out of my life. For the first time in a dream I walked up to him and said “Hi, I miss you and if this is your way of saying hi, I thank you so much for doing this.” He just smiled and then I woke up. I cried for a good 10 minutes, it just seemed so real and I didn’t realize how much I’ve missed my uncle. 15 years later, I’ve realized losing a loved one is something you’ll never get over, but just learn how to live without them.

Even though I’ve been feeling down, I’m grateful to wake up and see another day. There are many days where life is so hard, especially when having good health is not always guaranteed, but life is also so very precious and its nice to know that I’m not always alone.

As always taking one day at a time and remaining hopeful.

Sabotage

When you discover you have a Chronic Illness (CI) it invades your life and takes over! “Sooo   .  .  . starting today no more pizza, caffeine, gluten, soy, and in addition to this new diet, take about 10 pills a day . . . and forget about that vacation because all your money is mine!! Thank you!” CI says with a smile and a wink while it sashays away. “That bitch!” was my initial response as I sat in a hospital bed after my first colonoscopy.

Your chronic illness can sabotage your life and be your biggest bully. You think if I can conquer this  I can take on anything, which is true. . . But I’m curious to how people with a chronic illness deal with the nasty people you encounter in life. People will be people.

The last couple of months I have worked so hard at my job that I allowed it to take over my life. Somehow I have been able to get up everyday and fight through severe fatigue, body aches, and fits of dizziness and nausea, by working 9-10 hours days because I care. Then someone recently approached me at this job and stated “Krystal be careful, watch your back, they’re waiting for you to make a mistake ” . . . . Um excuse me! I have not devoted all this time and the little energy I have for my work ethic to be questioned because someone has it out to get me. Soo they can keep watching . . .

Do you ever get emotional? Like why am I being treated this way? Why must my livelihood, my way of paying for medications be possibly jeopardized? Have you wondered that if those nasty people knew I was chronically ill, would I be treated differently, would they feel horrible for their actions?  However, if revealing my illness is the only way I can be treated with respect, then this is not the place for me.

I recently turned 30 and I have realized that I am exhausted with dealing  with the same drama . . .  I still don’t know what I want to do in life but now I know what I DON’T want.

As always remaining hopeful and taking one day at a time.

#7daysofIBD – Days 6 & 7

Day 6 – Spoiled Guts

day 6 2
My favorite souvenir!

It was my last day in Texas and I was sad because I had fun and it was a beautiful sunny day. Even though the weather was nice I still had not gone to the bathroom in 2 days! I was suffering! Completely bloated, nauseous, and the symptoms only got worst on the airplane. I looked like the guy from the fiber one commercial. As soon as the plane landed in DC, I was completely exhausted.Before getting on metro to go home, I decided I should stop and eat before I pass out and ate at the first place I saw. OF COURSE it was Mexican food lol

day 6 3

Didn’t see another food spot close by, so I just accepted it and ordered a taco salad with  cheese and beans, hoping it would make me “go” . . . . and it did not. By the time I got home my late night snack was a bowl of oatmeal and lemon water, I was trying to find anything to clear me out!

Day 7 – Cleansed 😉

I went to the bathroom and for the first time in 2 days I did not feel bloated,  it was a good feeling! Unfortunately, that good feeling did not last because work was very stressful. Purposely took a short walk during lunch to ease my stomach pains. Didn’t leave work until 6:30pm and with the horrible commute didn’t get home until 7:15pm which isn’t too bad, DC/NOVA traffic is horrible!! But I went home with work on my mind and barely any food in the fridge. My dinner was a sandwich with gluten free ham & turkey, cheddar cheese,  and a glass of wine. YES a glass of wine, I don’t care how much it’s going to hurt later, all I know is that I’m gonna sleep well tonight 😉

IMG_2786 (1)
My current situation 🙂

I don’t know if these past 7 days have been interesting, exciting, or helped spread IBD awareness, but I was happy to participate and read other #7daysofIBD experiences.  I love my blog and will continue to spread IBD awareness is my own quirky way 🙂

Ruff week! . . .

uc pic 2

I’m starting to get worried, I have had severe fatigue all week and no matter what I eat nothing is coming out.  It’s been two days since I’ve had a #2, I guess around five days is when I should be concerned?!?! I drink water all day and ate oatmeal yesterday, still nothing . . . sighs . .  just another day living with this disease.  I was able to make an appointment with my GI on the 31st, now I just have to ask my new boss if I can come in late that day. I think i’ll fib and say  . .. . “Oh i forgot I scheduled this appointment months ago” . . . hopefully this will be the first and last doctor appointment for the next 60 days *fingers crossed*