Happy New Year! . . . Ugh . . . :(

So . . . it’s less than an hour until the New Year and everyone on social media are posting New Year resolutions and all these positive messages “out with the old, in with the new!” etc. But let’s be real, its not like next week is going to be amazing and wonderful just because it’s a new year. Since I was diagnosed I told myself to let go, because me having this disease was completely out of my control. I finally learned you cannot control your life, just gotta ride the waves. I’ve been riding waves somewhat smoothly until this year, so many things have happened out of my control, such bad luck lately, I’m just speechless

2017 overall was a “healthy” year because I was not admitted to the hospital. After I was discharged in 2015 I told myself every year is great as long as I am not in a hospital. Well its hard for me to continue to abide by that saying, because 2017 was shitty. It started off being scammed by a crappy dentist office and paying TOO MUCH money in dental work, its nothing like being taken advantage of when you’re in pain. Then my job which has been a pain in my side for years now, I’ve been trying to get out of there before it got worst. Well it got worst a few weeks ago, my boss was fired and somehow I’m cleaning up his mess plus my job until his replacement is hired. How is that fair? Why is this not being reflected in my income?  I moved to my apartment about 9 months ago, my lease is up for renewal in April and I’m hearing through the grapevine that peoples’ rent is being increased to $200 a month. WTF?!?! Yes, I understand renovations occurred 3 months after I moved in that I had no knowledge of before I signed the lease, but how is such a rent increase even legal? Oh yes! VA is not rent-controlled, so they can charge whatever they want!

The one good thing about my current job is that the office is closed from Xmas until New Year’s, but I guess you’re still expected to work because when I did check my email this past week I noticed I received emails daily from our Interim Director . .  . I read but did not respond . . was on Holiday Break *shrugs*  . . . I spent the week at my moms sleeping, watching tv, and eating, best week ever. I returned to my apartment today to see two unexpected tax bills. One from a county I haven’t lived in since May and a letter from the IRS because HR Block fucked up . . . so tomorrow being January 1st will not put a smile on this face. . .

I am sorry to anyone I have wronged, please remove this hex, cause this bad luck is making me very depressed. Hmm that kind of rhymes  . . lol

The first 3 months of 2018 will be the most stressful, and I have never been so grateful to be back on Humira because if not I might be admitted to the hospital. I know some might read this and say “stay positive” but  right now I am living in the present. The present me is broke, stressed, and getting fat from all this stress eating lately. Im sleeping in tonight and plan to be at the gym in the AM. I hope my car will not have a flat tire since one of my tire’s air pressure looked low today due to freezing temps. I’ll put air in it tomorrow hopefully that works for the time being,  but I have a feeling I will have to purchase new tires soon with the non-existent money I have . . . . . sighs

For those of you living high on life, please send some of those good vibes my way . . . it is greatly needed.

Happy New Year . .

My current mood . . . 

“Be gentle with yourself. There’s going to be ups and downs but always keep moving forward. Things are going to get better!” – @ibd_chronicles,  follow them on instagram! 

You never know …

I have been living in my apartment for the past 4 months and what I’ve told many of my friends is that I wish I could just move my apartment, because my neighbors drive me crazy. Neighbors across the hall have too many visitors and smoke a lot!. And the older  woman that lives above is always moving furniture late at night and early in the morning. I’ve only spoken to her once before bumping into her today.

I walked to my door and she stopped to say hi, I felt I looked childish with a lollipop stick sticking out of my mouth, but taking it out would have been inappropriate I think lol Any way, she introduced me to her sister and I re-introduced myself, then she proceeds to apologize for all the noise she makes at night, I immediately said no worries, even though I was happy that she acknowledge it and apologized. She then told me  she’s on dialysis and her treatment is at night and showed me her stomach where I assume she inserts the treatment. All this time I thought she was moving furniture, but I believe she was actually moving her machine. God I felt bad, and all I could say is that I’m soo sorry to hear, it then got quiet and I could see the sadness in her eyes, it broke my heart. Since I’m the type of person that hates awkward silence I ended the convo by saying it was good seeing you.

As I write this I’m getting teary eyed and just grateful that my condition is not worst. You would think as a person with a chronic illness I would immediately be more empathetic than others but its still hard seeing people being sick. I feel so silly and immature thinking all this time she was a mad old woman trying to make my life miserable. You just never know . . .

I want to give her something, or drop something at her door so she knows I’m here if she needs help. Any ideas? More than ever I feel propelled to help others who are sick, I know that feeling of loneliness.

As always I take one day at a time and remain hopeful.

Happy Jar

This  year I plan to be positive everyday, no matter the situation. Can’t be sad when I’m alive for another day with clothes on my back and a roof over my head.

happy jar

I found this cool idea of the “Happy Jar” where you write something good that happens each day for a year, and at the end of year you get to read all the good things in your life for the past year. I kind of wished I had done a happy jar in 2015, which was one of the most depressing years of my life. I might have been in better moods if I had forced myself to sit down everyday and write something positive about the day.

The first week of January 2016 was hard, very stressful at the job and glad its over. But positive things from this week has been; re-connecting with friends I haven’t seen in a while, and I just paid a security deposit on my first place, no roomies! It’s a great feeling.  With this new place I will be moving to a new state (but not really far away) and area where I know no one. I’m officially starting a new chapter, it’s exciting.

Also, I bought some powerball lottery tickets, hopefully my good luck lately doesn’t run out too soon 😉

Remaining hopeful and living one day at a time!

 

A Flare attack and Black & Blue . . . .

It’s been a week since my last post and not a good one.   A very stressful, exhausting week it has been.  New job has officially started to stress me out, but for the first time in my career its not over drama, just a lot of freaking work. But with my condition any amount of stress is bad, even if  in my mind I categorize it as “good stress”.  As a result of this stress and lack of sleep due to Game of Thrones binge watching (I think I have a problem lol) I had a serious flare attack. I went to the rest room at least 10 times that day at work, and had my first case of diarrhea in 7 months . . . it was horrible. After going to the bathroom 3 times in the span of 15 minutes I became desperate and hoped the little convenient store in our building had Imodium or Pepto. By the grace of God they did and it worked!! Then 2o minutes later I experience spasms of upper right abdominal and rectum pain, could not sit in my chair. . . Found some extra strength Tylenol and the pain went away. All that happened in the span of 8 hours, by time I got home I passed out, my body was exhausted.

Last weekend I took my Humira injection and the next day I noticed this huge black bruise on my upper thigh, right where I had the injection. Is this normal? lol It was a first time for me. No pain or swelling, just a huge black bruise. .It’s starting to fade away but still noticeable . Did I do something wrong? I usually inject in my right thigh but I have so many little dark circles from previous injections I decided to start with a fresh leg . . . I guess that was a mistake.

Unfortunately my stress level has doubled in the past couple of days due to some roommate drama and as a result today I had diarrhea once again. I got so worried it was obvious to my colleagues that I decided to use the restroom in our building lobby a couple times today . . . sighs . . its been rough lately . . I thought my colonoscopy scheduled for next month would be a breeze and Remission!! Now i’m not so sure . . .

Hopefully this holiday weekend I will be able to finally relax.