The past two months have been stressful and insanely busy. Most of my time has been devoted to this job where our Executive Director occasionally vents to me about our Board of Directors, and I immediately noticed my stomach starts to hurt. Minutes later I develop a headache. Ever since I was diagnosed with IBD, I have learned how to better handle my stress, but I now believe people stress me out too. A friend recently said to me, “Krystal I didn’t know you had so many issues at your job” They’re right, because I refuse to talk about work outside of work, it was something I noticed that would cause me significant stress. The stress at my job is not drama related (anymore, no longer have to work with the office bully lol) but just a lot of work and a major disconnect with the Board. It’s been hard to make change and I feel like I’m not working smarter, but working harder. So everyday I go home physically and mentally exhausted.
Severe fatigue has been a problem for me for the past 3 months and it’s getting worse every day. Every week lately I either fall asleep on my couch or wake up in my work clothes in my bed after an attempt to just “lay down” for five minutes. I am frequently up around 3am to brush my teeth and wash my face. In addition to the fatigue a familiar foe has returned, bleeding! Once I noticed it happened more than one time, I immediately contacted my GI and went to the LabCorp this Monday to get blood work done. Frequent bathroom trips are becoming a regular occurrence lately, so I’m worried.
I partly blame myself, haven’t been taking my meds everyday like I should. Do you ever get “meds fatigue”? Some days I have genuinely forgotten to take my meds. I’m tired . . .
As always, I remain hopeful and taking one day at a time . . .
“Be gentle with yourself. There’s going to be ups and downs but always keep moving forward. Things are going to get better!” – @ibd_chronicles, follow them on instagram!
For those of you that live outside of the DMV (DC, MD, VA) area NOVA (northern Virginia) has a reputation for having horrible traffic and drivers. I have been living in NOVA for 6 months and I have become that horrible driver. The main reason why there are so many accidents is because people have NO patience. As I sat at a red light waiting to turn weeks ago, I rolled my eyes to the loud honking behind me from the woman in the minivan. Then yesterday, when I had the green light to turn at the same traffic light, a car from the opposing traffic decided to turn too, so I slammed on my car horn. The entire drive to work I was mad and stressed and by the time I left work I was exhausted and preparing myself for the rush hour traffic. Then once I finally got home I had to deal with the noise of my neighbor’s squeaky door and Ms. Godzilla that lives above me. However, for some reason lately, at 10pm I get this sudden burst of energy and can’t sleep until 1am. I wake up exhausted the next day and do it all over again . .
Now let’s add an autoimmune disease to this daily routine. For four days straight I had all day headaches, thank god it stopped. I was definitely considering the ER. When I finally did go to sleep, I fell asleep in my work clothes, and routinely woke up to wash my face/brush my teeth 2am in the morning. In addition to the severe fatigue and headaches, I have also experienced acne, dehydration, and chapped lips, so I asked my doctor to get blood work done. I think I might be really anemic. It’s sad when you look forward to blood work so you can figure out what the hell is going on. I’m really tired . .. . I worked out for the first time in months last weekend, my body is still recovering, feels like I ran a marathon.
I have also noticed lately, I have no patience and lack of sympathy for anyone. No longer feel sorry for my neighbor upstairs, I’m sick of her apologizing for the loud noise when she keeps doing it, ready to move! A few weeks ago when I was 2 hours late to work because I could not physically get out of bed, I finally told my boss I have Crohn’s and how a late morning like today might routinely happened, I was surprised how nervous I was. He took it very well and revealed to me he has diabetes. This week we conductedinterviews for a new staff member and I noticed my boss profusily sweating during the interview. It was sooo bad he had a wash cloth in his pocket to wipe his face every couple of minutes, and stated he does not know why he’s sweating because he’s freezing. Afterwards he stated he believes it was a bad reaction to new meds. As he left work early for like the 2nd day in the row I was mad, there are many days I wanted to leave early for not feeling well. . . I was surprised at the frustration I felt at a man that is clearly sick and needs medical attention
I need a break . .. .
When you discover you have a Chronic Illness (CI) it invades your life and takes over! “Sooo . . . starting today no more pizza, caffeine, gluten, soy, and in addition to this new diet, take about 10 pills a day . . . and forget about that vacation because all your money is mine!! Thank you!” CI says with a smile and a wink while it sashays away. “That bitch!” was my initial response as I sat in a hospital bed after my first colonoscopy.
Your chronic illness can sabotage your life and be your biggest bully. You think if I can conquer this I can take on anything, which is true. . . But I’m curious to how people with a chronic illness deal with the nasty people you encounter in life. People will be people.
The last couple of months I have worked so hard at my job that I allowed it to take over my life. Somehow I have been able to get up everyday and fight through severe fatigue, body aches, and fits of dizziness and nausea, by working 9-10 hours days because I care. Then someone recently approached me at this job and stated “Krystal be careful, watch your back, they’re waiting for you to make a mistake ” . . . . Um excuse me! I have not devoted all this time and the little energy I have for my work ethic to be questioned because someone has it out to get me. Soo they can keep watching . . .
Do you ever get emotional? Like why am I being treated this way? Why must my livelihood, my way of paying for medications be possibly jeopardized? Have you wondered that if those nasty people knew I was chronically ill, would I be treated differently, would they feel horrible for their actions? However, if revealing my illness is the only way I can be treated with respect, then this is not the place for me.
I recently turned 30 and I have realized that I am exhausted with dealing with the same drama . . . I still don’t know what I want to do in life but now I know what I DON’T want.
As always remaining hopeful and taking one day at a time.
Wow!! Thank you guys for all the support! I started this blog last year as a coping mechanism, a way of dealing with this major lifestyle change of having IBD. I started writing not knowing what I was talking about, but just documenting my daily struggles.
Thanks to all of you for joining me on this journey and the continued support.
Thank you! 😘